Paddle Your Own CanoeNick Offerman
The top 50 best selling humor ebooks at the Apple iBookstore. Chart of the most popular humor and comedy iBook best sellers updated daily.
Chart of the most popular horror iBooks was last update: Wednesday, September 20 2017, 9:16 am
Paddle Your Own CanoeNick Offerman
Parks and Recreation actor Nick Offerman shares his humorous fulminations on life, manliness, meat, and much more in this New York Times bestseller. Growing a perfect moustache, grilling red meat, wooing a woman—who better to deliver this tutelage than the always charming, always manly Nick Offerman, best known as Parks and Recreation ’s Ron Swanson? Combining his trademark comic voice and very real expertise in woodworking—he runs his own woodshop— Paddle Your Own Canoe features tales from Offerman’s childhood in small-town Minooka, Illinois—“I grew up literally in the middle of a cornfield”—to his theater days in Chicago, beginnings as a carpenter/actor and the hilarious and magnificent seduction of his now-wife Megan Mullally. It also offers hard-bitten battle strategies in the arenas of manliness, love, style, religion, woodworking, and outdoor recreation, among many other savory entrees. A mix of amusing anecdotes, opinionated lessons and rants, sprinkled with offbeat gaiety, Paddle Your Own Canoe will not only tickle readers pink but may also rouse them to put down their smart phones, study a few sycamore leaves, and maybe even hand craft (and paddle) their own canoes.
Stuff White People LikeChristian Lander
They love nothing better than sipping free-trade gourmet coffee, leafing through the Sunday New York Times , and listening to David Sedaris on NPR (ideally all at the same time). Apple products, indie music, food co-ops, and vintage T-shirts make them weak in the knees. They believe they’re unique, yet somehow they’re all exactly the same, talking about how they “get” Sarah Silverman’s “subversive” comedy and Wes Anderson’s “droll” films. They’re also down with diversity and up on all the best microbrews, breakfast spots, foreign cinema, and authentic sushi. They’re organic, ironic, and do not own TVs. You know who they are: They’re white people. And they’re here, and you’re gonna have to deal. Fortunately, here’s a book that investigates, explains, and offers advice for finding social success with the Caucasian persuasion. So kick back on your IKEA couch and lose yourself in the ultimate guide to the unbearable whiteness of being. Praise for STUFF WHITE PEOPLE LIKE: “The best of a hilarious Web site: an uncannily accurate catalog of dead-on predilections. The Criterion Collection of classic films? Haircuts with bangs? Expensive fruit juice? ‘Blonde on Blonde’ on the iPod? The author knows who reads The New Yorker and who wears plaid.” –Janet Maslin’s summer picks, CBS.com “ The author of "Stuff White People Like" skewers the sacred cows of lefty Caucasian culture, from the Prius to David Sedaris. . . . It gently mocks the habits and pretensions of urbane, educated, left-leaning whites, skewering their passion for Barack Obama and public transportation (as long as it's not a bus), their idle threats to move to Canada, and joy in playing children's games as adults. Kickball, anyone?” –Salon.com “A handy reference guide with which you can check just how white you are. Hint: If you like only documentaries and think your child is gifted, you glow in the dark, buddy.” –NY Daily News From the Trade Paperback edition.
Modern RomanceAziz Ansari
A hilarious, thoughtful, and in-depth exploration of the pleasures and perils of modern romance from one of this generation’s most popular and sharpest comedic voices At some point, every one of us embarks on a journey to find love. We meet people, date, get into and out of relationships, all with the hope of finding someone with whom we share a deep connection. This seems standard now, but it’s wildly different from what people did even just decades ago. Single people today have more romantic options than at any point in human history. With technology, our abilities to connect with and sort through these options are staggering. So why are so many people frustrated? Some of our problems are unique to our time. “Why did this guy just text me an emoji of a pizza?” “Should I go out with this girl even though she listed Combos as one of her favorite snack foods? Combos?!” “My girlfriend just got a message from some dude named Nathan. Who’s Nathan? Did he just send her a photo of his penis? Should I check just to be sure?” But the transformation of our romantic lives can’t be explained by technology alone. In a short period of time, the whole culture of finding love has changed dramatically. A few decades ago, people would find a decent person who lived in their neighborhood. Their families would meet and, after deciding neither party seemed like a murderer, they would get married and soon have a kid, all by the time they were twenty-four. Today, people marry later than ever and spend years of their lives on a quest to find the perfect person, a soul mate. For years, Aziz Ansari has been aiming his comic insight at modern romance, but for Modern Romance , the book, he decided he needed to take things to another level. He teamed up with NYU sociologist Eric Klinenberg and designed a massive research project, including hundreds of interviews and focus groups conducted everywhere from Tokyo to Buenos Aires to Wichita. They analyzed behavioral data and surveys and created their own online research forum on Reddit, which drew thousands of messages. They enlisted the world’s leading social scientists, including Eli Finkel, Helen Fisher, Sheena Iyengar, Barry Schwartz, Sherry Turkle, and Robb Willer. The result is unlike any social science or humor book we’ve seen before. In Modern Romance , Ansari combines his irreverent humor with cutting-edge social science to give us an unforgettable tour of our new romantic world.
The liberal media machine did everything they could to keep this book out of your hands. Now, finally, DANGEROUS, the most controversial book of the decade, is tearing down safe spaces everywhere.
Yes PleaseAmy Poehler
#1 NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLER Do you want to get to know the woman we first came to love on Comedy Central's Upright Citizens Brigade? Do you want to spend some time with the lady who made you howl with laughter on Saturday Night Live, and in movies like Baby Mama, Blades of Glory, and They Came Together? Do you find yourself daydreaming about hanging out with the actor behind the brilliant Leslie Knope on Parks and Recreation? Did you wish you were in the audience at the last two Golden Globes ceremonies, so you could bask in the hilarity of Amy's one-liners? If your answer to these questions is "Yes Please!" then you are in luck. In her first book, one of our most beloved funny folk delivers a smart, pointed, and ultimately inspirational read. Full of the comedic skill that makes us all love Amy, Yes Please is a rich and varied collection of stories, lists, poetry (Plastic Surgery Haiku, to be specific), photographs, mantras and advice. With chapters like "Treat Your Career Like a Bad Boyfriend," "Plain Girl Versus the Demon" and "The Robots Will Kill Us All" Yes Please will make you think as much as it will make you laugh. Honest, personal, real, and righteous, Yes Please is full of words to live by.
The Life-Changing Magic of Not Giving a F*ckSarah Knight
THE "GENIUS" ( Cosmopolitan ) NATIONAL BESTSELLER ON THE ART OF CARING LESS AND GETTING MORE-FROM THE AUTHOR OF GET YOUR SH*T TOGETHER Are you stressed out, overbooked, and underwhelmed by life? Fed up with pleasing everyone else before you please yourself? It's time to stop giving a f*ck. This brilliant, hilarious, and practical parody of Marie Kondo's bestseller The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up explains how to rid yourself of unwanted obligations, shame, and guilt--and give your f*cks instead to people and things that make you happy. The easy-to-use, two-step NotSorry Method for mental decluttering will help you unleash the power of not giving a f*ck about: Family drama Having a "bikini body" Iceland Co-workers' opinions, pets, and children And other bullsh*t! And it will free you to spend your time, energy, and money on the things that really matter. So what are you waiting for? Stop giving a f*ck and start living your best life today!
The “brilliantly wry” (Lena Dunham) and “lovably awkward” (Mindy Kaling) New York Times bestseller from the creator of HBO’s Insecure . In this universally accessible New York Times bestseller named for her wildly popular web series, Issa Rae—“a singular voice with the verve and vivacity of uncorked champagne” ( Kirkus Reviews )—waxes humorously on what it’s like to be unabashedly awkward in a world that regards introverts as hapless misfits and black as cool. I’m awkward—and black. Someone once told me those were the two worst things anyone could be. That someone was right. Where do I start? Being an introvert (as well as “funny,” according to the Los Angeles Times ) in a world that glorifies cool isn’t easy. But when Issa Rae, the creator of the Shorty Award-winning hit series The Misadventures of Awkward Black Girl , is that introvert—whether she’s navigating love, the workplace, friendships, or “rapping”—it sure is entertaining. Now, in this New York Times bestselling debut collection written in her witty and self-deprecating voice, Rae covers everything from cybersexing in the early days of the Internet to deflecting unsolicited comments on weight gain, from navigating the perils of eating out alone and public displays of affection to learning to accept yourself—natural hair and all. The Misadventures of Awkward Black Girl is a book no one—awkward or cool, black, white, or other—will want to miss.
Stories I'd Tell in BarsJen Lancaster
Unfiltered. Unsupervised. Unapologetic. Older - but arguably not wiser - Lancaster gets back to basics in this hilarious essay collection about everything from taking community policing classes to accidentally getting stoned with the waiter after a fancy dinner. These are the tales she’d tell if she met you in a bar... if she weren’t too lazy to put on pants and go to a bar. Offering advice ranging from how to remain happily married to a man who refuses to blow his damn nose already to not creating An Incident at the cheese counter during an attempt at Whole30, she’s you, only louder. As she details the chaos that will surely ensue if she has to learn one more television remote control, you’ll want to settle in and pour yourself a tall one. Because what’s more fun than hearing a friend share her favorite stories?
Before Liz Lemon, before "Weekend Update," before "Sarah Palin," Tina Fey was just a young girl with a dream: a recurring stress dream that she was being chased through a local airport by her middle-school gym teacher. She also had a dream that one day she would be a comedian on TV. She has seen both these dreams come true. At last, Tina Fey's story can be told. From her youthful days as a vicious nerd to her tour of duty on Saturday Night Live; from her passionately halfhearted pursuit of physical beauty to her life as a mother eating things off the floor; from her one-sided college romance to her nearly fatal honeymoon -- from the beginning of this paragraph to this final sentence. Tina Fey reveals all, and proves what we've all suspected: you're no one until someone calls you bossy. ( Includes Special, Never-Before-Solicited Opinions on Breastfeeding, Princesses, Photoshop, the Electoral Process, and Italian Rum Cake!)
Why Not Me?Mindy Kaling
From the author of the beloved New York Times bestselling book Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me? and the creator and star of The Mindy Project comes a collection of essays that are as hilarious and insightful as they are deeply personal. In Why Not Me?, Kaling shares her ongoing journey to find contentment and excitement in her adult life, whether it’s falling in love at work, seeking new friendships in lonely places, attempting to be the first person in history to lose weight without any behavior modification whatsoever, or most important, believing that you have a place in Hollywood when you’re constantly reminded that no one looks like you. In “How to Look Spectacular: A Starlet’s Confessions,” Kaling gives her tongue-in-cheek secrets for surefire on-camera beauty, (“Your natural hair color may be appropriate for your skin tone, but this isn’t the land of appropriate– this is Hollywood, baby . Out here, a dark-skinned woman’s traditional hair color is honey blonde.”) “Player” tells the story of Kaling being seduced and dumped by a female friend in L.A. (“I had been replaced by a younger model. And now they had matching bangs.”) In “Unlikely Leading Lady,” she muses on America’s fixation with the weight of actresses, (“Most women we see onscreen are either so thin that they’re walking clavicles or so huge that their only scenes involve them breaking furniture.”) And in “Soup Snakes,” Kaling spills some secrets on her relationship with her ex-boyfriend and close friend, B.J. Novak (“I will freely admit: my relationship with B.J. Novak is weird as hell.”) Mindy turns the anxieties, the glamour, and the celebrations of her second coming-of-age into a laugh-out-loud funny collection of essays that anyone who’s ever been at a turning point in their life or career can relate to. And those who’ve never been at a turning point can skip to the parts where she talks about meeting Bradley Cooper.
The Princess DiaristCarrie Fisher
The Princess Diarist is Carrie Fisher’s intimate, hilarious and revealing recollection of what happened behind the scenes on one of the most famous film sets of all time, the first Star Wars movie. *PEOPLE Magazine Best Book of Fall 2016 *New York Times Bestseller * Star Wars VIII: The Last Jedi, featuring Carrie Fisher, is scheduled for release on December 15, 2017. Bright Lights: Starring Carrie Fisher and Debbie Reynold s debuted on HBO in January 2017. When Carrie Fisher recently discovered the journals she kept during the filming of the first Star Wars movie, she was astonished to see what they had preserved—plaintive love poems, unbridled musings with youthful naiveté, and a vulnerability that she barely recognized. Today, her fame as an author, actress, and pop-culture icon is indisputable, but in 1977, Carrie Fisher was just a teenager with an all-consuming crush on her costar, Harrison Ford. With these excerpts from her handwritten notebooks, The Princess Diarist is Fisher’s intimate and revealing recollection of what happened on one of the most famous film sets of all time—and what developed behind the scenes. Fisher also ponders the joys and insanity of celebrity, and the absurdity of a life spawned by Hollywood royalty, only to be surpassed by her own outer-space royalty. Laugh-out-loud hilarious and endlessly quotable, The Princess Diarist brims with the candor and introspection of a diary while offering shrewd insight into the type of stardom that few will ever experience.
It Gets WorseShane Dawson
THE INSTANT #1 NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLER New York Times bestselling author Shane Dawson returns with another highly entertaining and uproariously funny essay collection, chronicling a mix of real life moments both extraordinary and mortifying, yet always full of heart. Shane Dawson shared some of his best and worst experiences in I Hate Myselfie, the critically acclaimed book that secured his place as a gifted humorist and keen observer of millennial culture. Fans felt as though they knew him after devouring the New York Times , Publishers Weekly, Los Angeles Times , and Wall Street Journal bestseller. They were right… almost. In this new collection of original personal essays, Shane goes even deeper, sharing never-before-revealed stories from his life, giving readers a no-holds-barred look at moments both bizarre and relatable, from cult-like Christian after-school activities, dressing in drag, and losing his virginity, to hiring a psychic, clashes with celebrities, and coming to terms with his bisexuality. Every step of the way, Shane maintains his signature brand of humor, proving that even the toughest breaks can be funny when you learn to laugh at yourself. This is Let's Pretend This Never Happened and Running With Scissors for the millennial generation: an inspiring, intelligent, and brutally honest collection of true stories by a YouTube sensation-turned one of the freshest new voices out there.
Based on a True StoryNorm Macdonald
NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLER • “Driving, wild and hilarious” ( The Washington Post ), here is the incredible “memoir” of the actor, gambler, raconteur, and Saturday Night Live veteran. Don’t miss Norm’s new Netflix special, Hitler’s Dog, Gossip & Treachery ! When Norm Macdonald, one of the greatest stand-up comics of all time, was approached to write a celebrity memoir, he flatly refused, calling the genre “one step below instruction manuals.” Norm then promptly took a two-year hiatus from stand-up comedy to live on a farm in northern Canada. When he emerged he had under his arm a manuscript, a genre-smashing book about comedy, tragedy, love, loss, war, and redemption. When asked if this was the celebrity memoir, Norm replied, “Call it anything you damn like.” Praise for Based on a True Story “Dostoyevsky by way of 30 Rockefeller Center . . . the best new book I’ve read this year or last.” — The Wall Street Journal “This book is absurd fiction. . . . Scathing and funny.” — The New York Times “Hilarious and filled with turns of phrase and hidden beauty like only a collection of Norm Macdonald stories could be.” — Esquire “Raucous . . . a hilarious, innovative work.” — A.V. Club “Part personal history and part meta riff on celebrity memoirs, the book, it quickly becomes clear, is also just partly true (and all hilarious).” — Vulture “Very, very, very funny! Thanks, Norm, for letting me be part of this Booker Prize–for–literature–quality effort.” —David Letterman “Norm is brilliant and thoughtful and there is sensitivity and creative insight in his observations and stories. A lot of comics over the years have been compared to Mark Twain, but I think Norm is the only one who actually matches the guy in terms of his voice and ability. I seriously f**king love Norm Macdonald. Please buy his book. He probably needs the cash. He’s really bad with money.” —Louis C.K., from the foreword “Norm is one of my all-time favorites, and this book was such a great read I forgot how lonely I was for a while.” —Amy Schumer “I always thought Normie’s stand-up was the funniest thing there was. But this book gives it a run for its money.” —Adam Sandler “Norm is one of the greatest stand-up comics who’s ever worked—a totally original voice. His sense of the ridiculous and his use of juxtaposition in his writing make him a comic’s comic. We all love Norm.” —Roseanne Barr “Norm Macdonald makes me laugh my ass off. Who is funnier than Norm Macdonald? Nobody.” —Judd Apatow “Norm Macdonald is more than a triple threat—he’s a septuple threat. He is smart, funny, wry, rakish, polite, rakish . . . no, wait. He is polite, insightful, and . . . aaaaah . . . warm. No. He’s exciting. Yeah. Exciting! You never know what he’ll do. Okay, then make that unpredictable. Add that up. He’s amazing.” —Alec Baldwin “Norm is a double threat. His material and timing are both top-notch, which is unheard of. He is one of my favorites, both on- and off-stage.” —Dave Attell “Letterman said it best: There is no one funnier than Norm Macdonald.” —Rob Schneider
How to Weep in PublicJacqueline Novak
In her darkly funny memoir meets brother-in-arms guide to the depression life, comedian Jacqueline Novak provides the first and only book for depression sufferers--short term visitors or lifers--that promises not to offer any help overcoming depression...only comfort, company, and tips for life inside the grey fog. Advice that ranges from practical (Chapter 17: Do Your Crying on a Cat ) to philosophical (Chapter 21: Make Peace With Sunshine ) punctuates a laugh-out-loud memoir tracing the depression thread from Novak's average suburban childhood to her current adult New York City existence, an imperfect but healthy-ish life in which Novak is mostly upright but still rarely does laundry. At heart, How to Weep in Public provides a no-pressure, safe-zone for the reader to curl up inside. Keep this book on the shelf to be returned to it as needed–after all, depression is recurring. Jacqueline will be waiting to you tell you “You can fight another day.” No, not as in “fight on another day” but “fight this some other day.” Whether you’re coping with the occasional down day, or thriving fully in Picasso’s blue period, How to Weep in Public is the perfect place to regroup during a dark stint. So sit back, relax, and let Jacqueline Novak show you how to navigate the shadowy corridors of your troubled mind or the cheese display at the supermarket when food is the only thing that can save you.
Rick & Morty Vol. 1Zac Gorman
The hit comic book series based on Dan Harmon and Justin Roiland’s hilarious [adult swim] animated show RICK & MORTY is now available in its first collection! Join the excitement as depraved genius Rick Sanchez embarks on insane adventures with his awkward grandson Morty across the universe and across time. Caught in the crossfire are his teenage granddaughter Summer, his veterinary surgeon daughter Beth, and his hapless son-in-law Jerry. This collection features the first five issues of the comic book series, including "“The Wubba Lubba Dub Dub of Wall Street,” "Mort-Balls!" and more, along with hilarious mini-comics showcasing the whole family.
It's a Magical WorldBill Watterson
When cartoonist Bill Watterson announced that his phenomenally popular cartoon strip would be discontinued, Calvin and Hobbes fans throughout the world went into mourning. Fans have learned to survive -- despite the absence of the boy and his tiger in the daily newspaper. It's a Magical World delivers all the satisfaction of visiting its characters once more. Calvin fans will be able to see their favorite mischief maker stir it up with his furry friend, long-suffering parents, classmate Susie Derkins, school teacher Miss Wormwood, and Rosalyn the baby-sitter. It's a Magical World includes full-color Sundays and has it all: Calvin-turned-firefly waking Hobbes with his flashlight glow; courageous Spaceman Spiff rocketing through alien galaxies as he battles Dad-turned-Bug-Being; and Calvin's always inspired snowman art. There's no better way for Watterson fans to savor again the special qualities of their favorite strip.
You Need More SleepFrancesco Marciuliano
Our feline friends have spent eons observing, napping, pondering, napping, and taking notes about the human condition. In between naps, they've realized that we humans could use some catlike guidance when it comes to handling the ups and downs of life. In this book they've condescended to share their invaluable wisdom in short advice columns such as "Always Stay at Least 30 Feet from a Loved One" and "Never Let Anyone Dress You." Whether it's coping with romance, surviving a social gathering, or clawing your way to the top of the corporate ladder only to realize you can't get down, the cats in this ebook will have you relaxed and ready to take on the world! Just after one more nap.
You Can't Spell America Without MeAlec Baldwin & Kurt Andersen
Political satire as deeper truth: Donald Trump’s presidential memoir, as recorded by two world-renowned Trump scholars, and experts on greatness generally "I have the best words, beautiful words, as everybody has been talking and talking about for a long time. Also? The best sentences and, what do you call them, paragraphs . My previous books were great and sold extremely, unbelievably well--even the ones by dishonest, disgusting so-called journalists. But those writers didn't understand Trump, because quite frankly they were major losers. People say if you want it done right you have to do it yourself, even when 'it' is a 'memoir.' So every word of this book was written by me, using a special advanced word processing system during the many, many nights I've been forced to stay alone in the White House--only me, just me, trust me, nobody helped. And it's all 100% true, so true--people are already saying it may be the truest book ever published. Enjoy." Until Donald Trump publishes the ultimate account of his entire four or eight or one-and-a-half years in the White House, the definitive chronicle will be You Can’t Spell America Without Me: The Really Tremendous Inside Story of My Fantastic First Year As President . Trump was elected because he was the most frank presidential candidate in history, a man eager to tell the unvarnished truth about others’ flaws and tout his own amazing excellence. Now he levels his refreshingly compulsive, un-PC candor at his landslide election victory as well as his role as commander-in-chief and leader of the free world. There are intimate, powerful, mind-boggling revelations on every page. You are there with him during his private encounters with world leaders, a few of whom he does not insult. You are there at the genius Oval Office strategy sessions with his advisers. You are there in his White House bedroom as he crafts the pre-dawn Twitter pronouncements that rock the world. And, of course, you are there on the golf course as Trump attempts to manage the burdens of his office. President Trump explains each of the historic decisions that have already made America great again, and how he always triumphs over the fake news media. You'll learn what he really thinks of his cabinet members and top aides not related to him, of the First Lady and the First Daughter and the additional three or four Trump children. Included at no extra charge is a lavish and exclusive portfolio of spectacular, historic and intimate color photographs of President Trump in private – inside the White House, inside Mar-a-Lago, at Trump Tower, and more. You Can’t Spell America Without Me is presented by America’s foremost Trump scholar Kurt Andersen as well as America's foremost mediocre Trump impersonator, Alec Baldwin.
125+ Funny Jokes: Funny Jokes for KidsJohnny B. Laughing
125+ Funny Jokes: Funny Jokes for Kids! The Joke King, Johnny B. Laughing... "The Online King of Comedy" This funny joke book is excellent for long road trips, waiting rooms and reading aloud at home! The Joke King is back with another hilarious joke book full of funny, laugh-out-loud, silly comedy and humor! This joke book will help you dominate joke battles and be the funniest person around. These jokes are for children of all ages, teens, and adults. Funny and Hilarious Jokes for Children of all ages, Kids, Teens, and Adults! Did you know laughing has positive effects on the body? Laughter can reduce stress, help you bond with others, and even change your mood. Do yourself a favor and tell a friend a funny joke today! Scroll up and claim your copy today and start laughing!
Sh*t My Dad SaysJustin Halpern
“This book is ridiculously hilarious, and makes my father look like a normal member of society.” —Chelsea Handler “Read this unless you’re allergic to laughing.” —Kristen Bell “If you’re wondering if there is a real man behind the quotes on Twitter, the answer is a definite and laugh-out-loud yes.” —Christian Lander, New York Times bestselling author of Stuff White People Like Tuesdays with Morrie meets F My Life in this hilarious book about a son’s relationship with his foul-mouthed father by the 29-year-old comedy writer who created the massively popular Twitter feed of the same name.
Bossypants (Enhanced Edition)Tina Fey
This enhanced edition features excerpts from the audio edition of Bossypants, recently named Audio Book of the Year! Before Liz Lemon, before "Weekend Update," before "Sarah Palin," Tina Fey was just a young girl with a dream: a recurring stress dream that she was being chased through a local airport by her middle-school gym teacher. She also had a dream that one day she would be a comedian on TV. She has seen both these dreams come true. At last, Tina Fey's story can be told. From her youthful days as a vicious nerd to her tour of duty on Saturday Night Live ; from her passionately halfhearted pursuit of physical beauty to her life as a mother eating things off the floor; from her one-sided college romance to her nearly fatal honeymoon -- from the beginning of this paragraph to this final sentence. Tina Fey reveals all, and proves what we've all suspected: you're no one until someone calls you bossy. ( Includes Special, Never-Before-Solicited Opinions on Breastfeeding, Princesses, Photoshop, the Electoral Process, and Italian Rum Cake! This Enhanced eBook experience also includes special audio clips from Tina Fey, speculation on what an eBook really is, a bonus section of new-to-you photos, interpretive drawings, and a chapter read by the author!)
Mindy Kaling has lived many lives: the obedient child of immigrant professionals, a timid chubster afraid of her own bike, a Ben Affleck–impersonating Off-Broadway performer and playwright, and, finally, a comedy writer and actress prone to starting fights with her friends and coworkers with the sentence “Can I just say one last thing about this, and then I swear I’ll shut up about it?” Perhaps you want to know what Mindy thinks makes a great best friend (someone who will fill your prescription in the middle of the night), or what makes a great guy (one who is aware of all elderly people in any room at any time and acts accordingly), or what is the perfect amount of fame (so famous you can never get convicted of murder in a court of law), or how to maintain a trim figure (you will not find that information in these pages). If so, you’ve come to the right book, mostly! In Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me?, Mindy invites readers on a tour of her life and her unscientific observations on romance, friendship, and Hollywood, with several conveniently placed stopping points for you to run errands and make phone calls. Mindy Kaling really is just a Girl Next Door—not so much literally anywhere in the continental United States, but definitely if you live in India or Sri Lanka. From the Hardcover edition.
More Christmas Jokes for KidsPeter Crumpton
Every kid loves Christmas right? More Christmas Jokes For Kids will keep your kids entertained and laughing for hours with a selection of awesome Christmas Jokes. And what does Santa sound like when he laughs? Download and see with added Santa laughter at the Push of a Button! Ho Ho Ho and a Merry Christmas!
Knock Knock Jokes for KidsPeter Crumpton
Knock Knock Who’s There? Knock Knock Jokes Knock Knock Jokes Who? Knock Knock Jokes For Kids 3! With added bear laughter by the press of a button!
Let's Explore Diabetes with OwlsDavid Sedaris
A guy walks into a bar car and... From here the story could take many turns. When this guy is David Sedaris, the possibilities are endless, but the result is always the same: he will both delight you with twists of humor and intelligence and leave you deeply moved. Sedaris remembers his father's dinnertime attire (shirtsleeves and underpants), his first colonoscopy (remarkably pleasant), and the time he considered buying the skeleton of a murdered Pygmy. With Let's Explore Diabetes with Owls , David Sedaris shows once again why his work has been called "hilarious, elegant, and surprisingly moving" ( Washington Post ).
Chelsea Chelsea Bang BangChelsea Handler
WHAT . . . A RIOT! Life doesn't get more hilarious than when Chelsea Handler takes aim with her irreverent wit. Who else would send all-staff emails to smoke out the dumbest people on her show? Now, in this new collection of original essays, the #1 bestselling author of Are You There, Vodka? It's Me, Chelsea delivers one laugh-out-loud moment after another as she sets her sights on the ridiculous side of childhood, adulthood, and daughterhood. Family moments are fair game, whether it's writing a report on Reaganomics to earn a Cabbage Patch doll, or teaching her father social graces by ordering him to stay indoors. It's open season on her love life, from playing a prank on her boyfriend (using a ravioli, a fake autopsy, and the Santa Monica pier) to adopting a dog so she can snuggle with someone who doesn't talk. And everyone better duck for cover when her beach vacation turns into matchmaking gone wild. Outrageously funny and deliciously wicked, CHELSEA CHELSEA BANG BANG is good good good good! CHELSEA HANDLER ON... Being unpopular : "My parents couldn't have been more unreasonable when it came to fads or clothes that weren't purchased at a pharmacy." Living with her boyfriend: "He's similar to a large toddler, the only difference being he doesn't cry when he wakes up." Appreciating her brother: "He's a certified public accountant, and I have a real life." Arm-wrestling a maid of honor: "It wasn't her strength that intimidated me. It was the starry way her eyes focused on me, like Mike Tyson getting ready to feed."
Knock Knock Jokes For KidsPeter Crumpton
Knock Knock Who’s There? Knock Knock Jokes Knock Knock Jokes Who? Knock Knock Jokes For Kids! With added bear laughter by the press of a button!
Assholes Finish FirstTucker Max
The best gift for the dudes and bros in your life: the fratire New York Times bestseller A*****es Finish First , featuring twenty-five new and exclusive stories by Tucker Max. What do you do after you write a #1 bestselling book about your drunken, sexual misadventures that makes you rich and famous? Celebrate by getting more drunk and having insane amounts of sex, obviously. And pretty soon you’ve got another bestselling book on your hands. Stuffed full of ridiculous stories of bad decisions, debauchery, and sexual recklessness, A*****es Finish First starts where I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell left off, then proceeds to “some next-level s**t.” You already know how women react to confidence, game, and vodka, but what happens when you add money and fame to the mix? You get answers to the hard questions you've never thought of asking: • What’s it like to have sex with a midget? What about two midgets? • What does it do to a man to watch a nineteen-year-old do wind sprints to sober up, so that she can have sex with you before her twin sister does? • At what number of virgins does deflowering them stop being fun and start feeling like a job? • When a girl you met three hours ago decides to tattoo your name on her body, what is the appropriate reaction? The answers are inside, they are absurd and hilarious, and they are the product of one man's experiences: His name is Tucker Max, and he is still an a*****e.
Seriously...I'm KiddingEllen DeGeneres
I've experienced a lot the last few years and I have a lot to share. So I hope that you'll take a moment to sit back, relax and enjoy the words I've put together for you in this book. I think you'll find I've left no stone unturned, no door unopened, no window unbroken, no rug unvacuumed, no ivories untickled. What I'm saying is, let us begin, shall we?
Yo Momma So Ugly JokesPeter Crumpton
Yo Momma So Ugly Jokes with added push and play laughter!
Total Frat MoveW.R. Bolen
THE NEW YORK TIMES BEST-SELLER Put simply, it's time for a national update on college fraternities. Greek life today makes Animal House look like a Pixar movie. The amount of alcohol that is being consumed, promiscuous sex that is being enjoyed, and intense drug-induced raging that is taking place on campuses across the country has quietly reached ridiculous new heights. Written with the goal of being the most fun you've ever had reading a book, TOTAL FRAT MOVE pulls back the curtain on this world of hard-partying American decadence. The stories are unabashed. They are hilarious. And they are going to blow you away. You're welcome, world.
Uganda Be Kidding MeChelsea Handler
Wherever Chelsea Handler travels, one thing is certain: she always ends up in the land of the ridiculous. Now, in this uproarious collection, she sneaks her sharp wit through airport security and delivers her most absurd and hilarious stories ever. On safari in Africa, it's anyone's guess as to what's more dangerous: the wildlife or Chelsea. But whether she's fumbling the seduction of a guide by not knowing where tigers live (Asia, duh) or wearing a bathrobe into the bush because her clothes stopped fitting seven margaritas ago, she's always game for the next misadventure. The situation gets down and dirty as she defiles a kayak in the Bahamas, and outright sweaty as she escapes from a German hospital on crutches. When things get truly scary, like finding herself stuck next to a passenger with bad breath, she knows she can rely on her family to make matters even worse. Thank goodness she has the devoted Chunk by her side-except for the time she loses him in Telluride. Complete with answers to the most frequently asked traveler's questions, hot travel trips, and travel etiquette, none of which should be believed, UGANDA BE KIDDING ME has Chelsea taking on the world, one laugh-out-loud incident at a time.
Dad Is FatJim Gaffigan
Jim Gaffigan never imagined he would have his own kids. Though he grew up in a large Irish-Catholic family, Jim was satisfied with the nomadic, nocturnal life of a standup comedian, and was content to be "that weird uncle who lives in an apartment by himself in New York that everyone in the family speculates about." But all that changed when he married and found out his wife, Jeannie "is someone who gets pregnant looking at babies." Five kids later, the comedian whose riffs on everything from Hot Pockets to Jesus have scored millions of hits on YouTube, started to tweet about the mistakes and victories of his life as a dad. Those tweets struck such a chord that he soon passed the million followers mark. But it turns out 140 characters are not enough to express all the joys and horrors of life with five kids, so hes' now sharing it all in Dad Is Fat. From new parents to empty nesters to Jim's twenty-something fans, everyone will recognize their own families in these hilarious takes on everything from cousins ("celebrities for little kids") to growing up in a big family ("I always assumed my father had six children so he could have a sufficient lawn crew") to changing diapers in the middle of the night ("like The Hurt Locker but much more dangerous") to bedtime (aka "Negotiating with Terrorists"). Dad is Fat is sharply observed, explosively funny, and a cry for help from a man who has realized he and his wife are outnumbered in their own home.
Me Talk Pretty One DayDavid Sedaris
A new collection from David Sedaris is cause for jubilation. His recent move to Paris has inspired hilarious pieces, including Me Talk Pretty One Day, about his attempts to learn French. His family is another inspiration. You Cant Kill the Rooster is a portrait of his brother who talks incessant hip-hop slang to his bewildered father. And no one hones a finer fury in response to such modern annoyances as restaurant meals presented in ludicrous towers and cashiers with 6-inch fingernails. Compared by The New Yorker to Twain and Hawthorne, Sedaris has become one of our best-loved authors. Sedaris is an amazing reader whose appearances draw hundreds, and his performancesincluding a jaw-dropping impression of Billie Holiday singing I wish I were an Oscar Meyer weinerare unforgettable. Sedariss essays on living in Paris are some of the funniest hes ever written. At last, someone even meaner than the French! The sort of blithely sophisticated, loopy humour that might have resulted if Dorothy Parker and James Thurber had had a love child. Entertainment Weekly on Barrel Fever Sidesplitting Not one of the essays in this new collection failed to crack me up; frequently I was helpless. The New York Times Book Review on Naked
Nice Is Just a Place in FranceThe Betches
LOOK, MAYBE YOU’RE A NICE GIRL, but we’re guessing you’re more like us or you probably wouldn’t have picked up this book. Not that we have a problem with girls who are nice people. But being nice is just not the way to get what you want. And this book is about getting what you want. Not in like a finding happiness, giving back to the world, being grateful for what you have sort of way. But in a ruling your world, being the most desired, powerful badass in the room way, so you can come out on top of any situation: guys, career, friends, enemies, whatever. How does a betch make that happen? Here are some highlights: DON’T BE EASY. DON’T BE POOR. DON’T BE UGLY. We didn’t come up with these life lessons. We’re just the ones who wrote it all down. This is not self-help. Self-help is for fat people and divorcées. This is how to deal with your problems when you have no problems. You’re welcome.
Hilarity EnsuesTucker Max
The New York Times bestselling author of I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell and A*****es Finish First delivers a new collection of thirty 100% true, 100% exclusive stories of comically perverse excess. Another installment in Tucker Max’s series of stories about his drunken debauchery and ridiculous antics. What began as a simple sentence on an obscure website, “My name is Tucker Max, and I am an a*****e,” and developed into two infamously genre-defining books, I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell and A*****es Finish First , ends here. But as you should expect from Tucker by now, he is going out with a bang—literally and figuratively. In this book, you’ll learn: * How to live and work in Cancun, while still enrolled in Law School * Why Halloween is really awesome * How to subtly torture a highstrung roommate until he explodes with furious anger over a misplaced condiment * What really happened when a dirty pageant girl tried to sue Tucker because he told the truth * Why you should never accept a homemade treat from a hippie with a van As we’ve come to learn from Tucker, a*****es do finish first...but everything comes with a price.
The Zombie Survival GuideMax Brooks
From the author of the #1 New York Times bestseller, World War Z , The Zombie Survival Guide is your key to survival against the hordes of undead who may be stalking you right now. Fully illustrated and exhaustively comprehensive, this book covers everything you need to know, including how to understand zombie physiology and behavior, the most effective defense tactics and weaponry, ways to outfit your home for a long siege, and how to survive and adapt in any territory or terrain. Top 10 Lessons for Surviving a Zombie Attack 1. Organize before they rise! 2. They feel no fear, why should you? 3. Use your head: cut off theirs. 4. Blades don’t need reloading. 5. Ideal protection = tight clothes, short hair. 6. Get up the staircase, then destroy it. 7. Get out of the car, get onto the bike. 8. Keep moving, keep low, keep quiet, keep alert! 9. No place is safe, only safer. 10. The zombie may be gone, but the threat lives on. Don’t be carefree and foolish with your most precious asset—life. This book is your key to survival against the hordes of undead who may be stalking you right now without your even knowing it. The Zombie Survival Guide offers complete protection through trusted, proven tips for safeguarding yourself and your loved ones against the living dead. It is a book that can save your life.
Go the F**k to SleepAdam Mansbach & Ricardo Cortés
Go the F**k to Sleep is a bedtime book for parents who live in the real world, where a few snoozing kitties and cutesy rhymes don’t always send a toddler sailing blissfully off to dreamland. Profane, affectionate, and radically honest, it captures the familiar—and unspoken—tribulations of putting your little angel down for the night. Beautiful, subversive, and pants-wettingly funny, Go the F**k to Sleep is a book for parents new, old, and expectant. You probably should not read it to your children. “Total genius.” —Jonathan Lethem, author of Motherless Brooklyn , father of two “A children’s book for grown-ups! I really did laugh out loud—hilarious!” —David Byrne, musician, father of one “Finally, someone tells it like it really is! This is no-guilt funny and a godsend!” —Cristina García, author of The Lady Matador’s Hotel , mother of one “This is the most honest children’s book ever written. F*****g hilarious.” —A.J. Jacobs, author of The Year of Living Biblically , father of three “ Go the F**k to Sleep is the secret anthem of tired parents everywhere.” —Bliss Broyard, author of One Drop: My Father’s Hidden Life , mother of two “Captures the beautiful struggle of being a parent at it’s rawest point: bedtime.” —Daniel Sinker, author of The F***ing Epic Twitter Quest of @MayorEmanuel , father of one Adam Mansbach’s novels include The End of the Jews , winner of the California Book Award, and the best-selling Angry Black White Boy , a San Francisco Chronicle Best Book of 2005. His fiction and essays have appeared in the New York Times Book Review , The Believer , Poets & Writers , the Los Angeles Times , and many other publications. He is the 2011 New Voices Professor of Fiction at Rutgers University. His daughter, Vivien, is three. Ricardo Cort és has illustrated books about marijuana, electricity, the Jamaican bobsled team, and Chinese food. His work has been featured in the New York Times , Entertainment Weekly , the Village Voice , the San Francisco Chronicle , and on CNN and FOX News. He lives in Brooklyn, where he is working on a book about the history of coffee, cocaine, and Coca-Cola.
What If?Randall Munroe
From the creator of the wildly popular webcomic xkcd, hilarious and informative answers to important questions you probably never thought to ask Millions of people visit xkcd.com each week to read Randall Munroe’s iconic webcomic. His stick-figure drawings about science, technology, language, and love have an enormous, dedicated following, as do his deeply researched answers to his fans’ strangest questions. The queries he receives range from merely odd to downright diabolical: • What if I took a swim in a spent-nuclear-fuel pool? • Could you build a jetpack using downward-firing machine guns? • What if a Richter 15 earthquake hit New York City? • Are fire tornadoes possible? His responses are masterpieces of clarity and wit, gleefully and accurately explaining everything from the relativistic effects of a baseball pitched at near the speed of light to the many horrible ways you could die while building a periodic table out of all the actual elements. The book features new and never-before-answered questions, along with the most popular answers from the xkcd website. What If? is an informative feast for xkcd fans and anyone who loves to ponder the hypothetical.
Squirrel Seeks ChipmunkDavid Sedaris
Featuring David Sedaris's unique blend of hilarity and heart, this new collection of keen-eyed animal-themed tales is an utter delight. Though the characters may not be human, the situations in these stories bear an uncanny resemblance to the insanity of everyday life. In "The Toad, the Turtle, and the Duck," three strangers commiserate about animal bureaucracy while waiting in a complaint line. In "Hello Kitty," a cynical feline struggles to sit through his prison-mandated AA meetings. In "The Squirrel and the Chipmunk," a pair of star-crossed lovers is separated by prejudiced family members. With original illustrations by Ian Falconer, author of the bestselling Olivia series of children's books, these stories are David Sedaris at his most observant, poignant, and surprising.
Yo Momma JokesPeter Crumpton
Yo Momma Jokes with added push and play laughter!
Knock Knock JokesTidels
Tidels brings you the Best Collection of the funniest and the most unique Knock Knock jokes for kids. The jokes caters for children of all ages where you have a Knock Knock Joke for every occasion. Sometimes, a joke doesn't need to be complex or pretentious to make you laugh. Sometimes all you need is a good Knock-Knock Joke to crack up. Knock knock jokes have become a traditional style of role-play exercise. Knock knock jokes are typically geared towards children and young adults. Your comments, feedback or questions about this book are always welcome. Please e-mail us at [email protected] Check our website for more info about us.
Tweets guaranteed to stop any conversation, and generate a good laugh, from the author of the new mystery, "Fatal Sisters," available on all e-book readers.
Knock Knock Jokes for KidsPeter Crumpton
Knock Knock Jokes For Kids 10 with added push and play laughter!
Christmas Jokes for KidsPeter Crumpton
Every kid loves Christmas right? Christmas Jokes For Kids will keep your kids entertained and laughing for hours with a selection of awesome Christmas Jokes. And what does Santa sound like when he laughs? Download and see with added Santa laughter at the Push of a Button! Ho Ho Ho and a Merry Christmas!
Observations on a Life Not Yet ObservedScott Douglas
Scott Douglas, author of the humor memoir "Quiet, Please: Dispatches from a Public Librarian" offers further insights into the library world and life in general in this collection of over 15 essays and sketches. In this collection, Douglas writes about his epic quest for prophylactics in Baton Rouge, how he failed the high school reading test, how he may be part of the new gay, and his thoughts on the Christian porn industry--amongst many others.
Mindy Kaling has lived many lives: the obedient child of immigrant professionals, a timid chubster afraid of her own bike, a Ben Affleck–impersonating Off-Broadway performer and playwright, and, finally, a comedy writer and actress prone to starting fights with her friends and coworkers with the sentence “Can I just say one last thing about this, and then I swear I’ll shut up about it?” Perhaps you want to know what Mindy thinks makes a great best friend (someone who will fill your prescription in the middle of the night), or what makes a great guy (one who is aware of all elderly people in any room at any time and acts accordingly), or what is the perfect amount of fame (so famous you can never get convicted of murder in a court of law), or how to maintain a trim figure (you will not find that information in these pages). If so, you’ve come to the right book, mostly! In Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me?, Mindy invites readers on a tour of her life and her unscientific observations on romance, friendship, and Hollywood, with several conveniently placed stopping points for you to run errands and make phone calls. Mindy Kaling really is just a Girl Next Door—not so much literally anywhere in the continental United States, but definitely if you live in India or Sri Lanka. This enhanced eBook includes an audio introduction from the author; audio commentary from Mindy’s friends, including The Office costar B. J. Novak and Parks and Recreation creator Michael Schur; bonus photos, including an exclusive “Avalanche of Awkwardness” slideshow of never-before-seen childhood photos with audio commentary; and three full chapters read by the author.
Star Wars JokesJack Jokes
Star Wars Jokes with added push and play laughter!
Yo Momma so Fat JokesPeter Crumpton
These awesome Yo Momma So Fat Jokes will have you laughing so hard you may even poop a little. With added interactive push and play laughter!
Knock Knock Jokes For KidsPeter Crumpton
Knock Knock Who’s There? Knock Knock Jokes Knock Knock Jokes Who? Knock Knock Jokes For Kids 2 with added push and play laughter!
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