The Grass Is Always Greener Over the Septic TankErma Bombeck
The top 50 best selling humor ebooks at the Apple iBookstore. Chart of the most popular humor and comedy iBook best sellers updated daily.
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The Grass Is Always Greener Over the Septic TankErma Bombeck
The “marvelously funny” and much-loved humorist explores the perils of suburban living in this New York Times bestseller ( Vogue ). For years, the Bombecks have heard rumors of a magical land called Suburbia where the air is clean, the grass is trimmed, and children don’t risk getting mugged on their walk to school. After watching their friends flee the city for subdivided utopias like Bonaparte’s Retreat and Mortgage Mañana, Erma and her family load up their belongings and cry, “Station wagons . . . ho!” But life on the suburban frontier is not as perfect as they had hoped. The trees are stunted, the house is cramped, and there’s no grass at all. But the Bombecks will make do, for they are suburbanites now—the last true pioneers! This ebook features an illustrated biography of Erma Bombeck including rare images and never-before-seen documents from the author’s estate. “She is marvelously funny, direct as a hypodermic, a virtuoso in the field of suburban living. . . . Lovely stuff.” — Vogue “A gifted writer blessed with the comic equivalent of perfect pitch.” — The Boston Globe “The best there ever was.” —Helen Gurley Brown Erma Bombeck (1927–1996) was one of the best-loved humorists of her day, known for her witty books and syndicated columns. In 1967, she published At Wit’s End , a collection of her favorite columns. Bombeck would go on to write eleven more books, including The Grass Is Always Greener Over the Septic Tank (1976), If Life Is a Bowl of Cherries, What Am I Doing in the Pits? (1978), and Aunt Erma’s Cope Book (1979). Her books were perennial bestsellers, and helped bolster her reputation as one of the nation’s sharpest observers of domestic life. She continued writing her syndicated column until her death in 1996.
The Princess DiaristCarrie Fisher
The Princess Diarist is Carrie Fisher’s intimate, hilarious and revealing recollection of what happened behind the scenes on one of the most famous film sets of all time, the first Star Wars movie. * Named a PEOPLE Magazine Best Book of Fall 2016 *A New York Times Bestseller * “Bright Lights: Starring Carrie Fisher and Debbie Reynolds” premieres on HBO in January 2017. When Carrie Fisher recently discovered the journals she kept during the filming of the first Star Wars movie, she was astonished to see what they had preserved—plaintive love poems, unbridled musings with youthful naiveté, and a vulnerability that she barely recognized. Today, her fame as an author, actress, and pop-culture icon is indisputable, but in 1977, Carrie Fisher was just a teenager with an all-consuming crush on her costar, Harrison Ford. With these excerpts from her handwritten notebooks, The Princess Diarist is Fisher’s intimate and revealing recollection of what happened on one of the most famous film sets of all time—and what developed behind the scenes. Fisher also ponders the joys and insanity of celebrity, and the absurdity of a life spawned by Hollywood royalty, only to be surpassed by her own outer-space royalty. Laugh-out-loud hilarious and endlessly quotable, The Princess Diarist brims with the candor and introspection of a diary while offering shrewd insight into the type of stardom that few will ever experience.
Modern RomanceAziz Ansari
A hilarious, thoughtful, and in-depth exploration of the pleasures and perils of modern romance from one of this generation’s most popular and sharpest comedic voices At some point, every one of us embarks on a journey to find love. We meet people, date, get into and out of relationships, all with the hope of finding someone with whom we share a deep connection. This seems standard now, but it’s wildly different from what people did even just decades ago. Single people today have more romantic options than at any point in human history. With technology, our abilities to connect with and sort through these options are staggering. So why are so many people frustrated? Some of our problems are unique to our time. “Why did this guy just text me an emoji of a pizza?” “Should I go out with this girl even though she listed Combos as one of her favorite snack foods? Combos?!” “My girlfriend just got a message from some dude named Nathan. Who’s Nathan? Did he just send her a photo of his penis? Should I check just to be sure?” But the transformation of our romantic lives can’t be explained by technology alone. In a short period of time, the whole culture of finding love has changed dramatically. A few decades ago, people would find a decent person who lived in their neighborhood. Their families would meet and, after deciding neither party seemed like a murderer, they would get married and soon have a kid, all by the time they were twenty-four. Today, people marry later than ever and spend years of their lives on a quest to find the perfect person, a soul mate. For years, Aziz Ansari has been aiming his comic insight at modern romance, but for Modern Romance , the book, he decided he needed to take things to another level. He teamed up with NYU sociologist Eric Klinenberg and designed a massive research project, including hundreds of interviews and focus groups conducted everywhere from Tokyo to Buenos Aires to Wichita. They analyzed behavioral data and surveys and created their own online research forum on Reddit, which drew thousands of messages. They enlisted the world’s leading social scientists, including Eli Finkel, Helen Fisher, Sheena Iyengar, Barry Schwartz, Sherry Turkle, and Robb Willer. The result is unlike any social science or humor book we’ve seen before. In Modern Romance , Ansari combines his irreverent humor with cutting-edge social science to give us an unforgettable tour of our new romantic world.
New Year, Same TrashSamantha Irby
Comedian, blogger and essayist Samantha Irby is not going to be a better person this year than she was last. Nope. With a small group of woo-woo others, Irby sets seventy micro-resolutions, and then—with the rest of us—she fails at almost every single one of them. Thoughtful, witty, poignant—the failed intentions in New Year Same Trash will make you laugh and cry. Because you know you’ve been there. You can’t wake up in time to go to brunch. Swimming three times a week? Who are you kidding. You’re not going to shower every day or pack your lunch every day. You’re definitely not going to choose a smart movie over mindless entertainment, because you’re tired. You’re lazy. And, no, you’re never going to be a positive thinker. “I didn’t do this. I’m gonna. Maybe.” Don’t worry. It’s okay. There’s always next year. Instantly recognizable to anyone who’s ever failed to make goals and stick with them, New Year Same Trash will bring hilarious relief. A Vintage Shorts Original. An ebook short.
Yes PleaseAmy Poehler
#1 NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLER Do you want to get to know the woman we first came to love on Comedy Central's Upright Citizens Brigade? Do you want to spend some time with the lady who made you howl with laughter on Saturday Night Live, and in movies like Baby Mama, Blades of Glory, and They Came Together? Do you find yourself daydreaming about hanging out with the actor behind the brilliant Leslie Knope on Parks and Recreation? Did you wish you were in the audience at the last two Golden Globes ceremonies, so you could bask in the hilarity of Amy's one-liners? If your answer to these questions is "Yes Please!" then you are in luck. In her first book, one of our most beloved funny folk delivers a smart, pointed, and ultimately inspirational read. Full of the comedic skill that makes us all love Amy, Yes Please is a rich and varied collection of stories, lists, poetry (Plastic Surgery Haiku, to be specific), photographs, mantras and advice. With chapters like "Treat Your Career Like a Bad Boyfriend," "Plain Girl Versus the Demon" and "The Robots Will Kill Us All" Yes Please will make you think as much as it will make you laugh. Honest, personal, real, and righteous, Yes Please is full of words to live by.
The “brilliantly wry” (Lena Dunham) and “lovably awkward” (Mindy Kaling) New York Times bestseller from the creator of HBO’s Insecure . In this universally accessible New York Times bestseller named for her wildly popular web series, Issa Rae—“a singular voice with the verve and vivacity of uncorked champagne” ( Kirkus Reviews )—waxes humorously on what it’s like to be unabashedly awkward in a world that regards introverts as hapless misfits and black as cool. I’m awkward—and black. Someone once told me those were the two worst things anyone could be. That someone was right. Where do I start? Being an introvert (as well as “funny,” according to the Los Angeles Times ) in a world that glorifies cool isn’t easy. But when Issa Rae, the creator of the Shorty Award-winning hit series The Misadventures of Awkward Black Girl , is that introvert—whether she’s navigating love, the workplace, friendships, or “rapping”—it sure is entertaining. Now, in this New York Times bestselling debut collection written in her witty and self-deprecating voice, Rae covers everything from cybersexing in the early days of the Internet to deflecting unsolicited comments on weight gain, from navigating the perils of eating out alone and public displays of affection to learning to accept yourself—natural hair and all. The Misadventures of Awkward Black Girl is a book no one—awkward or cool, black, white, or other—will want to miss.
Before Liz Lemon, before "Weekend Update," before "Sarah Palin," Tina Fey was just a young girl with a dream: a recurring stress dream that she was being chased through a local airport by her middle-school gym teacher. She also had a dream that one day she would be a comedian on TV. She has seen both these dreams come true. At last, Tina Fey's story can be told. From her youthful days as a vicious nerd to her tour of duty on Saturday Night Live; from her passionately halfhearted pursuit of physical beauty to her life as a mother eating things off the floor; from her one-sided college romance to her nearly fatal honeymoon -- from the beginning of this paragraph to this final sentence. Tina Fey reveals all, and proves what we've all suspected: you're no one until someone calls you bossy. ( Includes Special, Never-Before-Solicited Opinions on Breastfeeding, Princesses, Photoshop, the Electoral Process, and Italian Rum Cake!)
Bossypants (Enhanced Edition)Tina Fey
This enhanced edition features excerpts from the audio edition of Bossypants, recently named Audio Book of the Year! Before Liz Lemon, before "Weekend Update," before "Sarah Palin," Tina Fey was just a young girl with a dream: a recurring stress dream that she was being chased through a local airport by her middle-school gym teacher. She also had a dream that one day she would be a comedian on TV. She has seen both these dreams come true. At last, Tina Fey's story can be told. From her youthful days as a vicious nerd to her tour of duty on Saturday Night Live ; from her passionately halfhearted pursuit of physical beauty to her life as a mother eating things off the floor; from her one-sided college romance to her nearly fatal honeymoon -- from the beginning of this paragraph to this final sentence. Tina Fey reveals all, and proves what we've all suspected: you're no one until someone calls you bossy. ( Includes Special, Never-Before-Solicited Opinions on Breastfeeding, Princesses, Photoshop, the Electoral Process, and Italian Rum Cake! This Enhanced eBook experience also includes special audio clips from Tina Fey, speculation on what an eBook really is, a bonus section of new-to-you photos, interpretive drawings, and a chapter read by the author!)
Why Not Me?Mindy Kaling
From the author of the beloved New York Times bestselling book Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me? and the creator and star of The Mindy Project comes a collection of essays that are as hilarious and insightful as they are deeply personal. In Why Not Me?, Kaling shares her ongoing journey to find contentment and excitement in her adult life, whether it’s falling in love at work, seeking new friendships in lonely places, attempting to be the first person in history to lose weight without any behavior modification whatsoever, or most important, believing that you have a place in Hollywood when you’re constantly reminded that no one looks like you. In “How to Look Spectacular: A Starlet’s Confessions,” Kaling gives her tongue-in-cheek secrets for surefire on-camera beauty, (“Your natural hair color may be appropriate for your skin tone, but this isn’t the land of appropriate– this is Hollywood, baby . Out here, a dark-skinned woman’s traditional hair color is honey blonde.”) “Player” tells the story of Kaling being seduced and dumped by a female friend in L.A. (“I had been replaced by a younger model. And now they had matching bangs.”) In “Unlikely Leading Lady,” she muses on America’s fixation with the weight of actresses, (“Most women we see onscreen are either so thin that they’re walking clavicles or so huge that their only scenes involve them breaking furniture.”) And in “Soup Snakes,” Kaling spills some secrets on her relationship with her ex-boyfriend and close friend, B.J. Novak (“I will freely admit: my relationship with B.J. Novak is weird as hell.”) Mindy turns the anxieties, the glamour, and the celebrations of her second coming-of-age into a laugh-out-loud funny collection of essays that anyone who’s ever been at a turning point in their life or career can relate to. And those who’ve never been at a turning point can skip to the parts where she talks about meeting Bradley Cooper.
Me Talk Pretty One DayDavid Sedaris
A new collection from David Sedaris is cause for jubilation. His recent move to Paris has inspired hilarious pieces, including Me Talk Pretty One Day, about his attempts to learn French. His family is another inspiration. You Cant Kill the Rooster is a portrait of his brother who talks incessant hip-hop slang to his bewildered father. And no one hones a finer fury in response to such modern annoyances as restaurant meals presented in ludicrous towers and cashiers with 6-inch fingernails. Compared by The New Yorker to Twain and Hawthorne, Sedaris has become one of our best-loved authors. Sedaris is an amazing reader whose appearances draw hundreds, and his performancesincluding a jaw-dropping impression of Billie Holiday singing I wish I were an Oscar Meyer weinerare unforgettable. Sedariss essays on living in Paris are some of the funniest hes ever written. At last, someone even meaner than the French! The sort of blithely sophisticated, loopy humour that might have resulted if Dorothy Parker and James Thurber had had a love child. Entertainment Weekly on Barrel Fever Sidesplitting Not one of the essays in this new collection failed to crack me up; frequently I was helpless. The New York Times Book Review on Naked
Nice Is Just a Place in FranceThe Betches
LOOK, MAYBE YOU’RE A NICE GIRL, but we’re guessing you’re more like us or you probably wouldn’t have picked up this book. Not that we have a problem with girls who are nice people. But being nice is just not the way to get what you want. And this book is about getting what you want. Not in like a finding happiness, giving back to the world, being grateful for what you have sort of way. But in a ruling your world, being the most desired, powerful badass in the room way, so you can come out on top of any situation: guys, career, friends, enemies, whatever. How does a betch make that happen? Here are some highlights: DON’T BE EASY. DON’T BE POOR. DON’T BE UGLY. We didn’t come up with these life lessons. We’re just the ones who wrote it all down. This is not self-help. Self-help is for fat people and divorcées. This is how to deal with your problems when you have no problems. You’re welcome.
A Work in ProgressConnor Franta
NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLER GOODREADS CHOICE AWARD WINNER FOR BEST MEMOIR/AUTOBIOGRAPHY FORBES TOP 5 BREAKTHROUGH BOOK OF 2015 In this intimate memoir of life beyond the camera, Connor Franta shares the lessons he has learned on his journey from small-town boy to Internet sensation—so far. Here, Connor offers a look at his Midwestern upbringing as one of four children in the home and one of five in the classroom; his struggles with identity, body image, and sexuality in his teen years; and his decision to finally pursue his creative and artistic passions in his early twenties, setting up his thrilling career as a YouTube personality, philanthropist, entrepreneur, and tastemaker. Exploring his past with insight and humor, his present with humility, and his future with hope, Connor reveals his private struggles while providing heartfelt words of wisdom for young adults. His words will resonate with anyone coming of age in the digital era, but at the core is a timeless message for people of all ages: don’t be afraid to be yourself and to go after what you truly want. This full-color collection includes photography and childhood clippings provided by Connor and is a must-have for anyone inspired by his journey.
It Gets WorseShane Dawson
THE INSTANT #1 NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLER New York Times bestselling author Shane Dawson returns with another highly entertaining and uproariously funny essay collection, chronicling a mix of real life moments both extraordinary and mortifying, yet always full of heart. Shane Dawson shared some of his best and worst experiences in I Hate Myselfie, the critically acclaimed book that secured his place as a gifted humorist and keen observer of millennial culture. Fans felt as though they knew him after devouring the New York Times , Publishers Weekly, Los Angeles Times , and Wall Street Journal bestseller. They were right… almost. In this new collection of original personal essays, Shane goes even deeper, sharing never-before-revealed stories from his life, giving readers a no-holds-barred look at moments both bizarre and relatable, from cult-like Christian after-school activities, dressing in drag, and losing his virginity, to hiring a psychic, clashes with celebrities, and coming to terms with his bisexuality. Every step of the way, Shane maintains his signature brand of humor, proving that even the toughest breaks can be funny when you learn to laugh at yourself. This is Let's Pretend This Never Happened and Running With Scissors for the millennial generation: an inspiring, intelligent, and brutally honest collection of true stories by a YouTube sensation-turned one of the freshest new voices out there.
The Life-Changing Magic of Not Giving a F*ckSarah Knight
THE "GENIUS" ( Cosmopolitan ) NATIONAL BESTSELLER ON THE ART OF CARING LESS AND GETTING MORE-FROM THE AUTHOR OF GET YOUR SH*T TOGETHER Are you stressed out, overbooked, and underwhelmed by life? Fed up with pleasing everyone else before you please yourself? It's time to stop giving a f*ck. This brilliant, hilarious, and practical parody of Marie Kondo's bestseller The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up explains how to rid yourself of unwanted obligations, shame, and guilt--and give your f*cks instead to people and things that make you happy. The easy-to-use, two-step NotSorry Method for mental decluttering will help you unleash the power of not giving a f*ck about: Family dramaHaving a "bikini body"IcelandCo-workers' opinions, pets, and childrenAnd other bullsh*t! And it will free you to spend your time, energy, and money on the things that really matter. So what are you waiting for? Stop giving a f*ck and start living your best life today!
I'm Judging YouLuvvie Ajayi
New York Times Bestseller #1 Washington Post Bestseller "A truth-riot of a book!" — Shonda Rhimes Comedian, activist, and hugely popular culture blogger at AwesomelyLuvvie.com, Luvvie Ajayi, serves up necessary advice for the masses in this hilarious book of essays With over 500,000 readers a month at her enormously popular blog, AwesomelyLuvvie.com, Luvvie Ajayi is a go-to source for smart takes on pop culture. I'm Judging You is her debut book of humorous essays that dissects our cultural obsessions and calls out bad behavior in our increasingly digital, connected lives—from the importance of the newest Shonda Rhimes television drama to serious discussions of race and media representation to what to do about your fool cousin sharing casket pictures from Grandma's wake on Facebook. With a lighthearted, razor sharp wit and a unique perspective, I'm Judging You is the handbook the world needs, doling out the hard truths and a road map for bringing some "act right" into our lives, social media, and popular culture. It is the Do-Better Manual.
The Swoly BibleDom Mazzetti
From the muscle god who launched the YouTube channel Bro Science Life comes the only book that will teach you everything you need to know about getting swole. For years, bros, meatheads, and gym rats around the world have posed pressing questions: What can you bench? Can I skip leg day? What goes in this protein shake? And importantly— do you even lift, bro? At long last, answers to these questions and more can be found in one handy volume—THE SWOLY BIBLE, written by the Internet’s favorite gym expert/literary genius, Dom Mazzetti. In it, Mazzetti lays out the truth about how to make gains in the gym and in your life, including: - How to Get Hyped for a Lift - The True Meaning of Meal Prep - How to Eat Chicken Without Wanting to Kill Yourself - The Best Tips for Taking a Post-Workout Selfie - How to Get Your Girlfriend to Start Lifting - Why Crossfitters Are the Worst - And much more Written in Dom’s signature comedic voice, with illustrations throughout, The Swoly Bible is the perfect gift for anyone in your #fitfam. From the Trade Paperback edition.
125+ Funny Jokes: Funny Jokes for KidsJohnny B. Laughing
125+ Funny Jokes: Funny Jokes for Kids! The Joke King, Johnny B. Laughing... "The Online King of Comedy" This funny joke book is excellent for long road trips, waiting rooms and reading aloud at home! The Joke King is back with another hilarious joke book full of funny, laugh-out-loud, silly comedy and humor! This joke book will help you dominate joke battles and be the funniest person around. These jokes are for children of all ages, teens, and adults. Funny and Hilarious Jokes for Children of all ages, Kids, Teens, and Adults! Did you know laughing has positive effects on the body? Laughter can reduce stress, help you bond with others, and even change your mood. Do yourself a favor and tell a friend a funny joke today! Scroll up and claim your copy today and start laughing!
Sh*t My Dad SaysJustin Halpern
“This book is ridiculously hilarious, and makes my father look like a normal member of society.” —Chelsea Handler “Read this unless you’re allergic to laughing.” —Kristen Bell “If you’re wondering if there is a real man behind the quotes on Twitter, the answer is a definite and laugh-out-loud yes.” —Christian Lander, New York Times bestselling author of Stuff White People Like Tuesdays with Morrie meets F My Life in this hilarious book about a son’s relationship with his foul-mouthed father by the 29-year-old comedy writer who created the massively popular Twitter feed of the same name.
Uganda Be Kidding MeChelsea Handler
Wherever Chelsea Handler travels, one thing is certain: she always ends up in the land of the ridiculous. Now, in this uproarious collection, she sneaks her sharp wit through airport security and delivers her most absurd and hilarious stories ever. On safari in Africa, it's anyone's guess as to what's more dangerous: the wildlife or Chelsea. But whether she's fumbling the seduction of a guide by not knowing where tigers live (Asia, duh) or wearing a bathrobe into the bush because her clothes stopped fitting seven margaritas ago, she's always game for the next misadventure. The situation gets down and dirty as she defiles a kayak in the Bahamas, and outright sweaty as she escapes from a German hospital on crutches. When things get truly scary, like finding herself stuck next to a passenger with bad breath, she knows she can rely on her family to make matters even worse. Thank goodness she has the devoted Chunk by her side-except for the time she loses him in Telluride. Complete with answers to the most frequently asked traveler's questions, hot travel trips, and travel etiquette, none of which should be believed, UGANDA BE KIDDING ME has Chelsea taking on the world, one laugh-out-loud incident at a time.
Go the F**k to SleepAdam Mansbach & Ricardo Cortés
Go the F**k to Sleep is a bedtime book for parents who live in the real world, where a few snoozing kitties and cutesy rhymes don’t always send a toddler sailing blissfully off to dreamland. Profane, affectionate, and radically honest, it captures the familiar—and unspoken—tribulations of putting your little angel down for the night. Beautiful, subversive, and pants-wettingly funny, Go the F**k to Sleep is a book for parents new, old, and expectant. You probably should not read it to your children. “Total genius.” —Jonathan Lethem, author of Motherless Brooklyn , father of two “A children’s book for grown-ups! I really did laugh out loud—hilarious!” —David Byrne, musician, father of one “Finally, someone tells it like it really is! This is no-guilt funny and a godsend!” —Cristina García, author of The Lady Matador’s Hotel , mother of one “This is the most honest children’s book ever written. F*****g hilarious.” —A.J. Jacobs, author of The Year of Living Biblically , father of three “ Go the F**k to Sleep is the secret anthem of tired parents everywhere.” —Bliss Broyard, author of One Drop: My Father’s Hidden Life , mother of two “Captures the beautiful struggle of being a parent at it’s rawest point: bedtime.” —Daniel Sinker, author of The F***ing Epic Twitter Quest of @MayorEmanuel , father of one Adam Mansbach’s novels include The End of the Jews , winner of the California Book Award, and the best-selling Angry Black White Boy , a San Francisco Chronicle Best Book of 2005. His fiction and essays have appeared in the New York Times Book Review , The Believer , Poets & Writers , the Los Angeles Times , and many other publications. He is the 2011 New Voices Professor of Fiction at Rutgers University. His daughter, Vivien, is three. Ricardo Cort és has illustrated books about marijuana, electricity, the Jamaican bobsled team, and Chinese food. His work has been featured in the New York Times , Entertainment Weekly , the Village Voice , the San Francisco Chronicle , and on CNN and FOX News. He lives in Brooklyn, where he is working on a book about the history of coffee, cocaine, and Coca-Cola.
What If?Randall Munroe
From the creator of the wildly popular webcomic xkcd, hilarious and informative answers to important questions you probably never thought to ask Millions of people visit xkcd.com each week to read Randall Munroe’s iconic webcomic. His stick-figure drawings about science, technology, language, and love have an enormous, dedicated following, as do his deeply researched answers to his fans’ strangest questions. The queries he receives range from merely odd to downright diabolical: • What if I took a swim in a spent-nuclear-fuel pool? • Could you build a jetpack using downward-firing machine guns? • What if a Richter 15 earthquake hit New York City? • Are fire tornadoes possible? His responses are masterpieces of clarity and wit, gleefully and accurately explaining everything from the relativistic effects of a baseball pitched at near the speed of light to the many horrible ways you could die while building a periodic table out of all the actual elements. The book features new and never-before-answered questions, along with the most popular answers from the xkcd website. What If? is an informative feast for xkcd fans and anyone who loves to ponder the hypothetical.
The Bro CodeBarney Stinson
From the hit TV show How I Met Your Mother comes Barney Stinson’s words of wit, wisdom, and awesomeness, The Bro Code— the New York Times bestseller (really!) with more than a million copies in print all around the world. Everyone’s life is governed by an internal code of conduct. Some call it morality. Others call it religion. But Bros in the know call this Holy Grail The Bro Code. The Bro Code is a living document, much like the Constitution. Except instead of outlining a government, or the Bill of Rights, or anything even resembling laws, The Bro Code provides men with all the rules they need to know in order to become a “bro” and behave properly among other bros. Historically a spoken tradition passed from one generation to the next and dating back to the American Revolution, the official code of conduct for Bros appears here in its published form for the first time ever. By upholding the tenets of this sacred and legendary document, any dude can learn to achieve Bro-dom. Containing approximately 150 “unspoken” rules, this code of conduct for bros can range from the simple (bros before hos) to the complex (the hot-to-crazy ratio, complete with bar graphs and charts). With helpful sidebros The Bro Code will help any ordinary guy become the best bro he can be. Let ultimate bro and coauthor Barney Stinson and his book, The Bro Code share their wisdom, lest you be caught making eye contact in a devil’s three-way (two dudes, duh).
My Horizontal LifeChelsea Handler
In this raucous collection of true-life stories, Chelsea Handler recounts her time spent in the social trenches with that wild, strange, irresistible, and often gratifying beast: the one-night stand. You've either done it or know someone who has: the one-night stand, the familiar outcome of a night spent at a bar, sometimes the sole payoff for your friend's irritating wedding, or the only relief from a disastrous vacation. Often embarrassing and uncomfortable, occasionally outlandish, but most times just a necessary and irresistible evil, the one-night stand is a social rite as old as sex itself and as common as a bar stool. Enter Chelsea Handler. Gorgeous, sharp, and anything but shy, Chelsea loves men and lots of them. My Horizontal Life chronicles her romp through the different bedrooms of a variety of suitors, a no-holds-barred account of what can happen between a man and a sometimes very intoxicated, outgoing woman during one night of passion. From her short fling with a Vegas stripper to her even shorter dalliance with a well-endowed little person, from her uncomfortable tryst with a cruise ship performer to her misguided rebound with a man who likes to play leather dress-up, Chelsea recalls the highs and lows of her one-night stands with hilarious honesty. Encouraged by her motley collection of friends (aka: her partners in crime) but challenged by her family members (who at times find themselves a surprise part of the encounter), Chelsea hits bottom and bounces back, unafraid to share the gritty details. My Horizontal Life is one guilty pleasure you won't be ashamed to talk about in the morning.
Paddle Your Own CanoeNick Offerman
When it comes to growing a robust mustache, masticating red meat, building a chair, or wooing a woman, who better to educate you than the always charming, always manly Nick Offerman, best known as Parks and Recreation ’s Ron Swanson? Combining his trademark comic voice and very real expertise in carpentry, Paddle Your Own Canoe features tales from Offerman’s childhood (born, literally, in the middle of an Illinois cornfield) to his theater days in Chicago to the, frankly, magnificent seduction of his wife, Megan Mullally. Offerman also shares his hard-bitten battle strategies in the arenas of manliness, love, styles, and religion, and invaluable advice on getting the utmost pleasure out of woodworking, assorted meats, outdoor recreations, and other palatable entrees.
I Had a Nice Time And Other Lies...The Betches
The New York Times bestselling authors of Nice Is Just a Place in France and creators of the online humor and advice phenomenon Betches.com and Instagram account @Betches explain the brutal truths of how to date like a true betch, with insights from the Head Pro. In the age of Tinder, Hinge, or any other dating app that matches you with randos, the dating game has grown complex and confusing. Cue the Betches—first, we helped you win at basically everything, and now we’re going to help you win the most important battle a betch can face. Maybe you’re a Delusional Dater who needs to get in touch with reality (seriously, he’s just NOT that f***ing into you) or perhaps you’re a TGF who needs to stop being so desperate and start playing the game. Or maybe you’re just tired of swiping left and ready for the pro of your dreams to put a 15-karat diamond ring on it so you can stop pretending to do work. Either way, we’ve got you covered. With insight from the Betches’ own Head Pro, this book is a must-have bible for any betch looking for love. So put away the Ben & Jerry’s fro-yo (just because it’s low fat doesn’t mean it’s okay to eat the whole tub) and start dating like a winner.
I Hope They Serve Beer In HellTucker Max
My name is Tucker Max, and I am an a*****e. I get excessively drunk at inappropriate times, disregard social norms, indulge every whim, ignore the consequences of my actions, mock idiots and posers, sleep with more women than is safe or reasonable, and just generally act like a raging d******d. But, I do contribute to humanity in one very important way: I share my adventures with the world. --from the Introduction Actual reader feedback: "I am completely baffled as to how you can congratulate yourself for being a womanizer and a raging drunk, or think anyone cares about an idiot like you. Do you really think that exploiting the insecurities of others while getting wasted is a legitimate thing to offer?" "Thank you, thank you, thank you--for sharing with us your wonderful tales of drunken revelry, for teaching me what it means to be a man, for just existing so I know that there is another option; I too can say 'screw the system' and be myself and have fun. My life truly began when I finished reading your stories. Now, when faced with a quandary about what course of action I should take, I just ask myself, 'What Would Tucker Do?'--and I do it, and I am a better man for it." "I find it truly appalling that there are people in the world like you. You are a disgusting, vile, repulsive, repugnant, foul creature. Because of you, I don't believe in God anymore. No just God would allow someone like you to exist." "I'll stay with God as my lord, but you are my savior. I just finished reading your brilliant stories, and I laughed so hard I almost vomited. I want to bring that kind of joy to people. You're an artist of the highest order and a true humanitarian to boot. I'm in both shock and awe at how much I want to be you." "You are the coolest person I can even imagine existing. If you slept with my girlfriend, it'd make me love her more."
Lucky CharmingKate Chastain
Blissfully shallow and carefree, Kate Chastain was your typical twenty something college co-ed. Well, until reality gave her a wake-up call in the form of a diploma, that is. At a crossroads after graduation, a serendipitous coincidence convinced Kate to abandon life as she knew it and jump feet first into the world of working on mega yachts. At first, she stumbled her way through life as a stewardess, just trying to adjust to her new surroundings and clumsily ‘learning the ropes’ via trial and error. Like s**t-tons of error. But now, nearly ten years and a hit reality show later, Kate is finally ready to share the good, the bad, and the downright shocking details about her life at sea with the world’s most rich and famous. It was the summer of 2008 and we were anchored off of St.Tropez. I had only been a yachtie for two seasons when I turned to the Captain’s wife, and said, “You know, I could write a book about all of the insane things we see working on these boats…..the sex, the money, the celebrities….” My older, more experienced coworker rolled her eyes and laughed. She was quick to dismiss my idea, “Kate, of course we could all write a book about what happens on yachts. Everyone has said the same thing for years…..but, if you actually did that. If you wrote about what really goes on, you would never get hired on another yacht again. ” She went back to polishing the crystal wine glass in her hand and I was confused for a second. “But Stacie, if so many people found out about tmy book that I couldn’t get a yacht job, I wouldn't really need one."
Dave Barry's Complete Guide to GuysDave Barry
"Dave Barry is one funny human." -- San Francisco Examiner For thousands of years, women have asked themselves: What is the deal with guys, anyway? What are they thinking? The answer, of course, is: virtually nothing. Deep down inside, guys are extremely shallow. But that has not stopped Dave Barry from writing an entire book about them. If you're a guy--or if you're attempting to share a remote control with one--you need this book, because it deals frankly and semi-thoroughly with such important guy issues as: Scratching The role of guys in world history, including the heretofore-unknown relationship between the discovery of North America and golf Why the average guy can remember who won the 1960 World Series, but not necessarily the names of all his children The Noogie Gene Why guys cannot simultaneously think and look at breasts Secret guy orgasm-delaying techniques, including the Margaret Thatcher Method Why guys prefer to believe that there is no such thing as a prostate And much, much more "Whether you're a guy--or attempting to share a bathroom with one--Barry has some wacky words of wisdom for you." -- USA Today From the Trade Paperback edition.
Mindy Kaling has lived many lives: the obedient child of immigrant professionals, a timid chubster afraid of her own bike, a Ben Affleck–impersonating Off-Broadway performer and playwright, and, finally, a comedy writer and actress prone to starting fights with her friends and coworkers with the sentence “Can I just say one last thing about this, and then I swear I’ll shut up about it?” Perhaps you want to know what Mindy thinks makes a great best friend (someone who will fill your prescription in the middle of the night), or what makes a great guy (one who is aware of all elderly people in any room at any time and acts accordingly), or what is the perfect amount of fame (so famous you can never get convicted of murder in a court of law), or how to maintain a trim figure (you will not find that information in these pages). If so, you’ve come to the right book, mostly! In Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me?, Mindy invites readers on a tour of her life and her unscientific observations on romance, friendship, and Hollywood, with several conveniently placed stopping points for you to run errands and make phone calls. Mindy Kaling really is just a Girl Next Door—not so much literally anywhere in the continental United States, but definitely if you live in India or Sri Lanka. From the Hardcover edition.
More Christmas Jokes for KidsPeter Crumpton
Every kid loves Christmas right? More Christmas Jokes For Kids will keep your kids entertained and laughing for hours with a selection of awesome Christmas Jokes. And what does Santa sound like when he laughs? Download and see with added Santa laughter at the Push of a Button! Ho Ho Ho and a Merry Christmas!
Knock Knock Jokes for KidsPeter Crumpton
Knock Knock Who’s There? Knock Knock Jokes Knock Knock Jokes Who? Knock Knock Jokes For Kids 3! With added bear laughter by the press of a button!
Let's Explore Diabetes with OwlsDavid Sedaris
A guy walks into a bar car and... From here the story could take many turns. When this guy is David Sedaris, the possibilities are endless, but the result is always the same: he will both delight you with twists of humor and intelligence and leave you deeply moved. Sedaris remembers his father's dinnertime attire (shirtsleeves and underpants), his first colonoscopy (remarkably pleasant), and the time he considered buying the skeleton of a murdered Pygmy. With Let's Explore Diabetes with Owls , David Sedaris shows once again why his work has been called "hilarious, elegant, and surprisingly moving" ( Washington Post ).
Chelsea Chelsea Bang BangChelsea Handler
WHAT . . . A RIOT! Life doesn't get more hilarious than when Chelsea Handler takes aim with her irreverent wit. Who else would send all-staff emails to smoke out the dumbest people on her show? Now, in this new collection of original essays, the #1 bestselling author of Are You There, Vodka? It's Me, Chelsea delivers one laugh-out-loud moment after another as she sets her sights on the ridiculous side of childhood, adulthood, and daughterhood. Family moments are fair game, whether it's writing a report on Reaganomics to earn a Cabbage Patch doll, or teaching her father social graces by ordering him to stay indoors. It's open season on her love life, from playing a prank on her boyfriend (using a ravioli, a fake autopsy, and the Santa Monica pier) to adopting a dog so she can snuggle with someone who doesn't talk. And everyone better duck for cover when her beach vacation turns into matchmaking gone wild. Outrageously funny and deliciously wicked, CHELSEA CHELSEA BANG BANG is good good good good! CHELSEA HANDLER ON... Being unpopular : "My parents couldn't have been more unreasonable when it came to fads or clothes that weren't purchased at a pharmacy." Living with her boyfriend: "He's similar to a large toddler, the only difference being he doesn't cry when he wakes up." Appreciating her brother: "He's a certified public accountant, and I have a real life." Arm-wrestling a maid of honor: "It wasn't her strength that intimidated me. It was the starry way her eyes focused on me, like Mike Tyson getting ready to feed."
Knock Knock Jokes For KidsPeter Crumpton
Knock Knock Who’s There? Knock Knock Jokes Knock Knock Jokes Who? Knock Knock Jokes For Kids! With added bear laughter by the press of a button!
Assholes Finish FirstTucker Max
The best gift for the dudes and bros in your life: the fratire New York Times bestseller Assholes Finish First , featuring twenty-five new and exclusive stories by Tucker Max. What do you do after you write a #1 bestselling book about your drunken, sexual misadventures that makes you rich and famous? Celebrate by getting more drunk and having insane amounts of sex, obviously. And pretty soon you’ve got another bestselling book on your hands. Stuffed full of ridiculous stories of bad decisions, debauchery, and sexual recklessness, Assholes Finish First starts where I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell left off, then proceeds to “some next-level s**t.” You already know how women react to confidence, game, and vodka, but what happens when you add money and fame to the mix? You get answers to the hard questions you've never thought of asking: • What’s it like to have sex with a midget? What about two midgets? • What does it do to a man to watch a nineteen-year-old do wind sprints to sober up, so that she can have sex with you before her twin sister does? • At what number of virgins does deflowering them stop being fun and start feeling like a job? • When a girl you met three hours ago decides to tattoo your name on her body, what is the appropriate reaction? The answers are inside, they are absurd and hilarious, and they are the product of one man's experiences: His name is Tucker Max, and he is still an a*****e.
Seriously...I'm KiddingEllen DeGeneres
I've experienced a lot the last few years and I have a lot to share. So I hope that you'll take a moment to sit back, relax and enjoy the words I've put together for you in this book. I think you'll find I've left no stone unturned, no door unopened, no window unbroken, no rug unvacuumed, no ivories untickled. What I'm saying is, let us begin, shall we?
Lies that Chelsea Handler Told MeChelsea Handler & Chelsea's Family, Friends, and Other Victims
"My tendency to make up stories and lie compulsively for the sake of my own amusement takes up a good portion of my day and provides me with a peace of mind not easily attainable in this economic climate."--Chelsea Handler, from Chapter 10 of Chelsea Chelsea Bang Bang It's no lie: Chelsea Handler loves to smoke out "dumbassness," the condition people suffer from that allows them to fall prey to her brand of complete and utter nonsense. Friends, family, co-workers--they've all been tricked by Chelsea into believing stories of total foolishness and into behaving like total fools. Luckily, they've lived to tell the tales and, for the very first time, write about them.
Yo Momma So Ugly JokesPeter Crumpton
Yo Momma So Ugly Jokes with added push and play laughter!
Total Frat MoveW.R. Bolen
THE NEW YORK TIMES BEST-SELLER Put simply, it's time for a national update on college fraternities. Greek life today makes Animal House look like a Pixar movie. The amount of alcohol that is being consumed, promiscuous sex that is being enjoyed, and intense drug-induced raging that is taking place on campuses across the country has quietly reached ridiculous new heights. Written with the goal of being the most fun you've ever had reading a book, TOTAL FRAT MOVE pulls back the curtain on this world of hard-partying American decadence. The stories are unabashed. They are hilarious. And they are going to blow you away. You're welcome, world.
Dad Is FatJim Gaffigan
In Dad is Fat , stand-up comedian Jim Gaffigan, who’s best known for his legendary riffs on Hot Pockets, bacon, manatees, and McDonald's, expresses all the joys and horrors of life with five young children—everything from cousins ("celebrities for little kids") to toddlers’ communication skills (“they always sound like they have traveled by horseback for hours to deliver important news”), to the eating habits of four year olds (“there is no difference between a four year old eating a taco and throwing a taco on the floor”). Dad is Fat is sharply observed, explosively funny, and a cry for help from a man who has realized he and his wife are outnumbered in their own home.
Hilarity EnsuesTucker Max
The New York Times bestselling author of I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell and Assholes Finish First delivers a new collection of thirty 100% true, 100% exclusive stories of comically perverse excess. Another installment in Tucker Max’s series of stories about his drunken debauchery and ridiculous antics. What began as a simple sentence on an obscure website, “My name is Tucker Max, and I am an a*****e,” and developed into two infamously genre-defining books, I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell and Assholes Finish First , ends here. But as you should expect from Tucker by now, he is going out with a bang—literally and figuratively. In this book, you’ll learn: * How to live and work in Cancun, while still enrolled in Law School * Why Halloween is really awesome * How to subtly torture a highstrung roommate until he explodes with furious anger over a misplaced condiment * What really happened when a dirty pageant girl tried to sue Tucker because he told the truth * Why you should never accept a homemade treat from a hippie with a van As we’ve come to learn from Tucker, assholes do finish first...but everything comes with a price.
The Zombie Survival GuideMax Brooks
From the author of the #1 New York Times bestseller, World War Z , The Zombie Survival Guide is your key to survival against the hordes of undead who may be stalking you right now. Fully illustrated and exhaustively comprehensive, this book covers everything you need to know, including how to understand zombie physiology and behavior, the most effective defense tactics and weaponry, ways to outfit your home for a long siege, and how to survive and adapt in any territory or terrain. Top 10 Lessons for Surviving a Zombie Attack 1. Organize before they rise! 2. They feel no fear, why should you? 3. Use your head: cut off theirs. 4. Blades don’t need reloading. 5. Ideal protection = tight clothes, short hair. 6. Get up the staircase, then destroy it. 7. Get out of the car, get onto the bike. 8. Keep moving, keep low, keep quiet, keep alert! 9. No place is safe, only safer. 10. The zombie may be gone, but the threat lives on. Don’t be carefree and foolish with your most precious asset—life. This book is your key to survival against the hordes of undead who may be stalking you right now without your even knowing it. The Zombie Survival Guide offers complete protection through trusted, proven tips for safeguarding yourself and your loved ones against the living dead. It is a book that can save your life. From the Trade Paperback edition.
Yo Momma JokesPeter Crumpton
Yo Momma Jokes with added push and play laughter!
Squirrel Seeks ChipmunkDavid Sedaris
Featuring David Sedaris's unique blend of hilarity and heart, this new collection of keen-eyed animal-themed tales is an utter delight. Though the characters may not be human, the situations in these stories bear an uncanny resemblance to the insanity of everyday life. In "The Toad, the Turtle, and the Duck," three strangers commiserate about animal bureaucracy while waiting in a complaint line. In "Hello Kitty," a cynical feline struggles to sit through his prison-mandated AA meetings. In "The Squirrel and the Chipmunk," a pair of star-crossed lovers is separated by prejudiced family members. With original illustrations by Ian Falconer, author of the bestselling Olivia series of children's books, these stories are David Sedaris at his most observant, poignant, and surprising.
Tweets guaranteed to stop any conversation, and generate a good laugh, from the author of the new mystery, "Fatal Sisters," available on all e-book readers.
Knock Knock Jokes for KidsPeter Crumpton
Knock Knock Jokes For Kids 10 with added push and play laughter!
Christmas Jokes for KidsPeter Crumpton
Every kid loves Christmas right? Christmas Jokes For Kids will keep your kids entertained and laughing for hours with a selection of awesome Christmas Jokes. And what does Santa sound like when he laughs? Download and see with added Santa laughter at the Push of a Button! Ho Ho Ho and a Merry Christmas!
Observations on a Life Not Yet ObservedScott Douglas
Scott Douglas, author of the humor memoir "Quiet, Please: Dispatches from a Public Librarian" offers further insights into the library world and life in general in this collection of over 15 essays and sketches. In this collection, Douglas writes about his epic quest for prophylactics in Baton Rouge, how he failed the high school reading test, how he may be part of the new gay, and his thoughts on the Christian porn industry--amongst many others.
Mindy Kaling has lived many lives: the obedient child of immigrant professionals, a timid chubster afraid of her own bike, a Ben Affleck–impersonating Off-Broadway performer and playwright, and, finally, a comedy writer and actress prone to starting fights with her friends and coworkers with the sentence “Can I just say one last thing about this, and then I swear I’ll shut up about it?” Perhaps you want to know what Mindy thinks makes a great best friend (someone who will fill your prescription in the middle of the night), or what makes a great guy (one who is aware of all elderly people in any room at any time and acts accordingly), or what is the perfect amount of fame (so famous you can never get convicted of murder in a court of law), or how to maintain a trim figure (you will not find that information in these pages). If so, you’ve come to the right book, mostly! In Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me?, Mindy invites readers on a tour of her life and her unscientific observations on romance, friendship, and Hollywood, with several conveniently placed stopping points for you to run errands and make phone calls. Mindy Kaling really is just a Girl Next Door—not so much literally anywhere in the continental United States, but definitely if you live in India or Sri Lanka. This enhanced eBook includes an audio introduction from the author; audio commentary from Mindy’s friends, including The Office costar B. J. Novak and Parks and Recreation creator Michael Schur; bonus photos, including an exclusive “Avalanche of Awkwardness” slideshow of never-before-seen childhood photos with audio commentary; and three full chapters read by the author.
Star Wars JokesJack Jokes
Star Wars Jokes with added push and play laughter!
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