Humor & Comedy Ebook Best Seller Chart

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Next Level Basic - Stassi Schroeder Cover Art

Next Level Basic

Next Level Basic The Definitive Basic Bitch Handbook by Stassi Schroeder

NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLER #1 NATIONAL BESTSELLER Discover how to embrace your best basic self in this laugh-out-loud funny guidebook from the breakout star of Bravo’s hit reality show Vanderpump Rules, perfect for fans of the relatable and entertaining books by The Betches and Andi Dorfman. Millions of Vanderpump Rules viewers and podcast listeners know Stassi Schroeder as a major defender of Basic Bitch rights. There’s nothing more boring than people who take themselves too seriously or think that you have to be pretentious to be cool. Stassi champions the things that many of us are afraid to love publicly for fear of being labeled basic: lattes, pugs, bubbly cocktails, millennial pink, #OOTD (outfit of the day, obvs), astrology, hot dogs, the perfect pair of Louboutins, romantic comedies...the list goes on and on. This book is for people tired of pretending they would rather see a Daniel Day-Lewis movie about sewing or read War and Peace than watch a Saw marathon or read...well, this book! In Next Level Basic, the reality star, podcast queen, and ranch dressing expert gives you hilarious and pointed lessons on how to have fun and celebrate yourself, with exclusive stories from her own life and on the set of Vanderpump Rules . From her very public breakups to her most intimate details about her plastic surgery, Stassi shares her own personal experiences with her trademark honesty—all with the hope you can learn something from them.

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Calypso - David Sedaris Cover Art

Calypso

Calypso by David Sedaris

David Sedaris returns with his most deeply personal and darkly hilarious book. If you've ever laughed your way through David Sedaris's cheerfully misanthropic stories, you might think you know what you're getting with Calypso. You'd be wrong. When he buys a beach house on the Carolina coast, Sedaris envisions long, relaxing vacations spent playing board games and lounging in the sun with those he loves most. And life at the Sea Section, as he names the vacation home, is exactly as idyllic as he imagined, except for one tiny, vexing realization: it's impossible to take a vacation from yourself. With Calypso, Sedaris sets his formidable powers of observation toward middle age and mortality. Make no mistake: these stories are very, very funny--it's a book that can make you laugh 'til you snort, the way only family can. Sedaris's powers of observation have never been sharper, and his ability to shock readers into laughter unparalleled. But much of the comedy here is born out of that vertiginous moment when your own body betrays you and you realize that the story of your life is made up of more past than future. This is beach reading for people who detest beaches, required reading for those who loathe small talk and love a good tumor joke. Calypso is simultaneously Sedaris's darkest and warmest book yet--and it just might be his very best.

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I Ain't Doin' It - Heather Land Cover Art

I Ain't Doin' It

I Ain't Doin' It Unfiltered Thoughts From a Sarcastic Southern Sweetheart by Heather Land

Social media comedian Heather Land uses her trademark sassy, laugh-out-loud humor to remind us of the many ways that real life can be really funny. Heather Land has something to say about almost everything in life—the unbelievable, inconceivable, and downright frustrating—and why she “ain’t doin’ it.” In her first book, Heather shines a light on the (occasional) ridiculousness of life through a series of hilarious essays, dishing on everything from Walmart and ex-husbands to Southern beauty pageants and unfortunate trips to the gynecologist. I Ain’t Doin’ It reminds us that when it comes to life’s messy moments, it’s all about perspective—and that we too can say, I ain’t doin’ it! Perfect for fans of Jim Gaffigan, Anjelah Johnson, and Brian Regan, I Ain’t Doin' It is a fun, breezy read for anyone who appreciates someone who tells it like it is and wants to embrace the lighter side of life.

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Sorry I'm Late, I Didn't Want to Come - Jessica Pan Cover Art

Sorry I'm Late, I Didn't Want to Come

Sorry I'm Late, I Didn't Want to Come One Introvert's Year of Saying Yes by Jessica Pan

What would happen if a shy introvert lived like a gregarious extrovert for one year? If she knowingly and willingly put herself in perilous social situations that she’d normally avoid at all costs? Writer Jessica Pan intends to find out. With the help of various extrovert mentors, Jessica sets up a series of personal challenges (talk to strangers, perform stand-up comedy, host a dinner party, travel alone, make friends on the road, and much, much worse) to explore whether living like an extrovert can teach her lessons that might improve the quality of her life. Chronicling the author’s hilarious and painful year of misadventures, this book explores what happens when one introvert fights her natural tendencies, takes the plunge, and tries (and sometimes fails) to be a little bit braver.  

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Bossypants (Enhanced Edition) - Tina Fey Cover Art

Bossypants (Enhanced Edition)

Bossypants (Enhanced Edition) by Tina Fey

Spirited and whip-smart, these laugh-out-loud autobiographical essays are "a masterpiece" from the Emmy Award-winning actress and comedy writer known for 30 Rock , Mean Girls , and SNL ( Sunday Telegraph ). Before Liz Lemon, before "Weekend Update," before "Sarah Palin," Tina Fey was just a young girl with a dream: a recurring stress dream that she was being chased through a local airport by her middle-school gym teacher. She also had a dream that one day she would be a comedian on TV. She has seen both these dreams come true. At last, Tina Fey's story can be told. From her youthful days as a vicious nerd to her tour of duty on Saturday Night Live ; from her passionately halfhearted pursuit of physical beauty to her life as a mother eating things off the floor; from her one-sided college romance to her nearly fatal honeymoon -- from the beginning of this paragraph to this final sentence. Tina Fey reveals all, and proves what we've always suspected: you're no one until someone calls you bossy. ( Includes Special, Never-Before-Solicited Opinions on Breastfeeding, Princesses, Photoshop, the Electoral Process, and Italian Rum Cake! )

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Southern Lady Code - Helen Ellis Cover Art

Southern Lady Code

Southern Lady Code Essays by Helen Ellis

"I loved it." —Ann Patchett   The bestselling author of American Housewife ("Dark, deadpan and truly inventive." - -The New York Times Book Review ) is back with a fiercely funny collection of essays on marriage and manners, thank-you notes and three-ways, ghosts, gunshots, gynecology, and the Calgon-scented, onion-dipped, monogrammed art of living as a Southern Lady. Helen Ellis has a mantra: "If you don't have something nice to say, say something not-so-nice in a nice way." Say "weathered" instead of "she looks like a cake left out in the rain." Say "early-developed" instead of "brace face and B cups." And for the love of Coke Salad, always say "Sorry you saw something that offended you" instead of "Get that stick out of your butt, Miss Prissy Pants." In these twenty-three raucous essays Ellis transforms herself into a dominatrix Donna Reed to save her marriage, inadvertently steals a $795 Burberry trench coat, witnesses a man fake his own death at a party, avoids a neck lift, and finds a black-tie gown that gives her the confidence of a drag queen. While she may have left her home in Alabama, married a New Yorker, forgotten how to drive, and abandoned the puffy headbands of her youth, Helen Ellis is clinging to her Southern accent like mayonnaise to white bread, and offering readers a hilarious, completely singular view on womanhood for both sides of the Mason-Dixon.

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How Not to Get Shot - D. L. Hughley & Doug Moe Cover Art

How Not to Get Shot

How Not to Get Shot And Other Advice From White People by D. L. Hughley & Doug Moe

NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLER • A GOODREADS CHOICE AWARDS FINALIST "Hilarious yet soul-shaking." —Black Enterprise, a "Must Read Book for 2019" 200 years ago, white people told black folks, “‘I suggest you pick the cotton if you don’t like getting whipped.” Today, it’s “comply with police orders if you don’t want to get shot.” Now comedian/activist D. L. Hughley–one the Original Kings of Comedy–confronts and remixes white people’s “advice” in this “hilarious examination of the current state of race relations in the United States” (Publishers Weekly). In America, a black man is three times more likely to be killed in encounters with police than a white guy. If only he had complied with the cop, he might be alive today, pundits say in the aftermath of the latest shooting of an unarmed black man. Or, Maybe he shouldn’t have worn that hoodie … or, moved more slowly … not been out so late … Wait, why are black people allowed to drive, anyway? This isn’t a new phenomenon. White people have been giving “advice” to black folks for as long as anyone can remember, telling them how to pick cotton, where to sit on a bus, what neighborhood to live in, when they can vote, and how to wear our pants. Despite centuries of whites’ advice, it seems black people still aren’t listening, and the results are tragic. Now, at last, activist, comedian, and New York Times bestselling author D. L. Hughley offers How Not to Get Shot, an illustrated how-to guide for black people, full of insight from white people, translated by one of the funniest black dudes on the planet. In these pages you will learn how to act, dress, speak, walk, and drive in the safest manner possible. You also will finally understand the white mind. It is a book that can save lives. Or at least laugh through the pain. Black people: Are you ready to not get shot! White people: Do you want to learn how to help the cause? Let’s go!

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Best. State. Ever. - Dave Barry Cover Art

Best. State. Ever.

Best. State. Ever. A Florida Man Defends His Homeland by Dave Barry

A brilliantly funny exploration of the Sunshine State from the man who knows it best: Pulitzer Prize winner and New York Times –bestselling author Dave Barry.   We never know what will happen next in Florida. We know only that, any minute now, something will. Every few months, Dave Barry gets a call from some media person wanting to know, “What the hell is wrong with Florida?” Somehow, the state’s acquired an image as a subtropical festival of stupid, and as a loyal Floridian, Dave begs to differ. Sure, there was the 2000 election. And people seem to take their pants off for no good reason. And it has flying insects the size of LeBron James. But it is a great state, and Dave is going to tell you why. Join him as he celebrates Florida from Key West at the bottom to whatever it is that’s at the top, from the Sunshine State’s earliest history to the fun-fair of weirdness that it is today.   It’s the most hilarious book yet from “the funniest damn writer in the whole country” (Carl Hiaasen, and he should know). By the end, you’ll have to admit that whatever else you might think about Florida—you can never say it’s boring.

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What If? - Randall Munroe Cover Art

What If?

What If? Serious Scientific Answers to Absurd Hypothetical Questions by Randall Munroe

From the creator of the wildly popular webcomic xkcd, hilarious and informative answers to important questions you probably never thought to ask Millions of people visit xkcd.com each week to read Randall Munroe’s iconic webcomic. His stick-figure drawings about science, technology, language, and love have an enormous, dedicated following, as do his deeply researched answers to his fans’ strangest questions. The queries he receives range from merely odd to downright diabolical: • What if I took a swim in a spent-nuclear-fuel pool? • Could you build a jetpack using downward-firing machine guns? • What if a Richter 15 earthquake hit New York City? • Are fire tornadoes possible? His responses are masterpieces of clarity and wit, gleefully and accurately explaining everything from the relativistic effects of a baseball pitched at near the speed of light to the many horrible ways you could die while building a periodic table out of all the actual elements. The book features new and never-before-answered questions, along with the most popular answers from the xkcd website. What If? is an informative feast for xkcd fans and anyone who loves to ponder the hypothetical.

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It's a Magical World - Bill Watterson Cover Art

It's a Magical World

It's a Magical World by Bill Watterson

When cartoonist Bill Watterson announced that his phenomenally popular cartoon strip would be discontinued, Calvin and Hobbes fans throughout the world went into mourning. Fans have learned to survive -- despite the absence of the boy and his tiger in the daily newspaper. It's a Magical World delivers all the satisfaction of visiting its characters once more. Calvin fans will be able to see their favorite mischief maker stir it up with his furry friend, long-suffering parents, classmate Susie Derkins, school teacher Miss Wormwood, and Rosalyn the baby-sitter. It's a Magical World includes full-color Sundays and has it all: Calvin-turned-firefly waking Hobbes with his flashlight glow; courageous Spaceman Spiff rocketing through alien galaxies as he battles Dad-turned-Bug-Being; and Calvin's always inspired snowman art. There's no better way for Watterson fans to savor again the special qualities of their favorite strip.

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Barrel Fever - David Sedaris Cover Art

Barrel Fever

Barrel Fever Stories and Essays by David Sedaris

In David Sedaris' world, no one is safe and no cow is sacred. A manic cross between Mark Leyner, Fran Lebowitz, and the National Enquirer , Sedaris' collection of essays is a rollicking tour through the national Zeitgeist: a do-it-yourself suburban dad saves money by performing home surgery; a man who is loved too much flees the heavyweight champion of the world; a teenage suicide tries to incite a lynch mob at her funeral; a bitter Santa abuses the elves. David Sedaris made his debut on NPR's Morning Edition with "SantaLand Diaries", recounting his strange-but-true experiences as an elf at Macy's, and soon became one of the show's most popular commentators. With a perfect eye and a voice infused with as much empathy as wit, Sedaris writes stories and essays that target the soulful ridiculousness of our behavior. Barrel Fever is like a blind date with modern life, and anything can happen.

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I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell - Tucker Max Cover Art

I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell

I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell by Tucker Max

My name is Tucker Max, and I am an a*****e. I get excessively drunk at inappropriate times, disregard social norms, indulge every whim, ignore the consequences of my actions, mock idiots and posers, sleep with more women than is safe or reasonable, and just generally act like a raging d******d. But, I do contribute to humanity in one very important way: I share my adventures with the world. --from the Introduction Actual reader feedback: "I am completely baffled as to how you can congratulate yourself for being a womanizer and a raging drunk, or think anyone cares about an idiot like you. Do you really think that exploiting the insecurities of others while getting wasted is a legitimate thing to offer?" "Thank you, thank you, thank you--for sharing with us your wonderful tales of drunken revelry, for teaching me what it means to be a man, for just existing so I know that there is another option; I too can say 'screw the system' and be myself and have fun. My life truly began when I finished reading your stories. Now, when faced with a quandary about what course of action I should take, I just ask myself, 'What Would Tucker Do?'--and I do it, and I am a better man for it." "I find it truly appalling that there are people in the world like you. You are a disgusting, vile, repulsive, repugnant, foul creature. Because of you, I don't believe in God anymore. No just God would allow someone like you to exist." "I'll stay with God as my lord, but you are my savior. I just finished reading your brilliant stories, and I laughed so hard I almost vomited. I want to bring that kind of joy to people. You're an artist of the highest order and a true humanitarian to boot. I'm in both shock and awe at how much I want to be you." "You are the coolest person I can even imagine existing. If you slept with my girlfriend, it'd make me love her more."

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Modern Romance - Aziz Ansari Cover Art

Modern Romance

Modern Romance by Aziz Ansari

A hilarious, thoughtful, and in-depth exploration of the pleasures and perils of modern romance from one of this generation’s most popular and sharpest comedic voices At some point, every one of us embarks on a journey to find love. We meet people, date, get into and out of relationships, all with the hope of finding someone with whom we share a deep connection. This seems standard now, but it’s wildly different from what people did even just decades ago. Single people today have more romantic options than at any point in human history. With technology, our abilities to connect with and sort through these options are staggering. So why are so many people frustrated? Some of our problems are unique to our time. “Why did this guy just text me an emoji of a pizza?” “Should I go out with this girl even though she listed Combos as one of her favorite snack foods? Combos?!” “My girlfriend just got a message from some dude named Nathan. Who’s Nathan? Did he just send her a photo of his penis? Should I check just to be sure?” But the transformation of our romantic lives can’t be explained by technology alone. In a short period of time, the whole culture of finding love has changed dramatically. A few decades ago, people would find a decent person who lived in their neighborhood. Their families would meet and, after deciding neither party seemed like a murderer, they would get married and soon have a kid, all by the time they were twenty-four. Today, people marry later than ever and spend years of their lives on a quest to find the perfect person, a soul mate. For years, Aziz Ansari has been aiming his comic insight at modern romance, but for Modern Romance , the book, he decided he needed to take things to another level. He teamed up with NYU sociologist Eric Klinenberg and designed a massive research project, including hundreds of interviews and focus groups conducted everywhere from Tokyo to Buenos Aires to Wichita. They analyzed behavioral data and surveys and created their own online research forum on Reddit, which drew thousands of messages. They enlisted the world’s leading social scientists, including Eli Finkel, Helen Fisher, Sheena Iyengar, Barry Schwartz, Sherry Turkle, and Robb Willer. The result is unlike any social science or humor book we’ve seen before. In Modern Romance , Ansari combines his irreverent humor with cutting-edge social science to give us an unforgettable tour of our new romantic world.

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The Last Black Unicorn - Tiffany Haddish Cover Art

The Last Black Unicorn

The Last Black Unicorn by Tiffany Haddish

NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLER “An inspiring story that manages to be painful, honest, shocking, bawdy and hilarious.” —The New York Times Book Review From stand-up comedian, actress, and breakout star of Girls Trip , Tiffany Haddish, comes The Last Black Unicorn , a sidesplitting, hysterical, edgy, and unflinching collection of ( extremely ) personal essays, as fearless as the author herself. Growing up in one of the poorest neighborhoods of South Central Los Angeles, Tiffany learned to survive by making people laugh. If she could do that, then her classmates would let her copy their homework, the other foster kids she lived with wouldn’t beat her up, and she might even get a boyfriend. Or at least she could make enough money—as the paid school mascot and in-demand Bar Mitzvah hype woman—to get her hair and nails done, so then she might get a boyfriend. None of that worked (and she’s still single), but it allowed Tiffany to imagine a place for herself where she could do something she loved for a living: comedy. Tiffany can’t avoid being funny—it’s just who she is, whether she’s plotting shocking, jaw-dropping revenge on an ex-boyfriend or learning how to handle her newfound fame despite still having a broke person’s mind-set. Finally poised to become a household name, she recounts with heart and humor how she came from nothing and nowhere to achieve her dreams by owning, sharing, and using her pain to heal others. By turns hilarious, filthy, and brutally honest, The Last Black Unicorn shows the world who Tiffany Haddish really is—humble, grateful, down-to-earth, and funny as hell. And now, she’s ready to inspire others through the power of laughter.

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Theft by Finding - David Sedaris Cover Art

Theft by Finding

Theft by Finding Diaries (1977-2002) by David Sedaris

One of the most anticipated books of 2017: Boston Globe, New York Times Book Review , New York 's "Vulture", The Week , Bustle, BookRiot An NPR Best Book of 2017 An AV Club Favorite Book of 2017 A Barnes & Noble Best Book of 2017A Goodreads Choice Awards nominee David Sedaris tells all in a book that is, literally, a lifetime in the making. For forty years, David Sedaris has kept a diary in which he records everything that captures his attention-overheard comments, salacious gossip, soap opera plot twists, secrets confided by total strangers. These observations are the source code for his finest work, and through them he has honed his cunning, surprising sentences. Now, Sedaris shares his private writings with the world. Theft by Finding , the first of two volumes, is the story of how a drug-abusing dropout with a weakness for the International House of Pancakes and a chronic inability to hold down a real job became one of the funniest people on the planet. Written with a sharp eye and ear for the bizarre, the beautiful, and the uncomfortable, and with a generosity of spirit that even a misanthropic sense of humor can't fully disguise, Theft By Finding proves that Sedaris is one of our great modern observers. It's a potent reminder that when you're as perceptive and curious as Sedaris, there's no such thing as a boring day.

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Sh*t My Dad Says - Justin Halpern Cover Art

Sh*t My Dad Says

Sh*t My Dad Says by Justin Halpern

“This book is ridiculously hilarious, and makes my father look like a normal member of society.” —Chelsea Handler “Read this unless you’re allergic to laughing.” —Kristen Bell “If you’re wondering if there is a real man behind the quotes on Twitter, the answer is a definite and laugh-out-loud yes.” —Christian Lander, New York Times bestselling author of Stuff White People Like Tuesdays with Morrie meets F My Life in this hilarious book about a son’s relationship with his foul-mouthed father by the 29-year-old comedy writer who created the massively popular Twitter feed of the same name.

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I Feel Bad About My Neck - Nora Ephron Cover Art

I Feel Bad About My Neck

I Feel Bad About My Neck by Nora Ephron

With her disarming, intimate, completely accessible voice, and dry sense of humor, Nora Ephron shares with us her ups and downs in I Feel Bad About My Neck , a candid, hilarious look at women who are getting older and dealing with the tribulations of maintenance, menopause, empty nests, and life itself. Ephron chronicles her life as an obsessed cook, passionate city dweller, and hapless parent. But mostly she speaks frankly and uproariously about life as a woman of a certain age. Utterly courageous, uproariously funny, and unexpectedly moving in its truth telling, I Feel Bad About My Neck is a scrumptious, irresistible treat of a book, full of truths, laugh out loud moments that will appeal to readers of all ages.

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Based on a True Story - Norm Macdonald Cover Art

Based on a True Story

Based on a True Story Not a Memoir by Norm Macdonald

NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLER •  “Driving, wild and hilarious” ( The Washington Post ), here is the incredible “memoir” of the actor, gambler, raconteur, and Saturday Night Live veteran. Don’t miss Norm’s new Netflix special, Hitler’s Dog, Gossip & Treachery ! When Norm Macdonald, one of the greatest stand-up comics of all time, was approached to write a celebrity memoir, he flatly refused, calling the genre “one step below instruction manuals.” Norm then promptly took a two-year hiatus from stand-up comedy to live on a farm in northern Canada. When he emerged he had under his arm a manuscript, a genre-smashing book about comedy, tragedy, love, loss, war, and redemption. When asked if this was the celebrity memoir, Norm replied, “Call it anything you damn like.” Praise for Based on a True Story “Dostoyevsky by way of 30 Rockefeller Center . . . the best new book I’ve read this year or last.” — The Wall Street Journal “This book is absurd fiction. . . . Scathing and funny.” — The New York Times “Hilarious and filled with turns of phrase and hidden beauty like only a collection of Norm Macdonald stories could be.” — Esquire “Raucous . . . a hilarious, innovative work.” — A.V. Club “Part personal history and part meta riff on celebrity memoirs, the book, it quickly becomes clear, is also just partly true (and all hilarious).” — Vulture “Very, very, very funny! Thanks, Norm, for letting me be part of this Booker Prize–for–literature–quality effort.” —David Letterman “Norm is brilliant and thoughtful and there is sensitivity and creative insight in his observations and stories. A lot of comics over the years have been compared to Mark Twain, but I think Norm is the only one who actually matches the guy in terms of his voice and ability. I seriously f**king love Norm Macdonald. Please buy his book. He probably needs the cash. He’s really bad with money.” —Louis C.K., from the foreword “Norm is one of my all-time favorites, and this book was such a great read I forgot how lonely I was for a while.” —Amy Schumer “I always thought Normie’s stand-up was the funniest thing there was. But this book gives it a run for its money.” —Adam Sandler “Norm is one of the greatest stand-up comics who’s ever worked—a totally original voice. His sense of the ridiculous and his use of juxtaposition in his writing make him a comic’s comic. We all love Norm.” —Roseanne Barr “Norm Macdonald makes me laugh my ass off. Who is funnier than Norm Macdonald? Nobody.” —Judd Apatow “Norm Macdonald is more than a triple threat—he’s a septuple threat. He is smart, funny, wry, rakish, polite, rakish . . . no, wait. He is polite, insightful, and . . . aaaaah . . . warm. No. He’s exciting. Yeah. Exciting! You never know what he’ll do. Okay, then make that unpredictable. Add that up. He’s amazing.” —Alec Baldwin “Norm is a double threat. His material and timing are both top-notch, which is unheard of. He is one of my favorites, both on- and off-stage.” —Dave Attell “Letterman said it best: There is no one funnier than Norm Macdonald.” —Rob Schneider

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#IMomSoHard - Kristin Hensley & Jen Smedley Cover Art

#IMomSoHard

#IMomSoHard by Kristin Hensley & Jen Smedley

NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLER Has it been months since you’ve read a book with actual adult words that had nothing to do with farm animals or superheroes or going potty? Well then, it’s time to take a break. Pour yourself some wine. Put on your comfy pants. All good? Ok, welcome to the party. Kristin Hensley and Jen Smedley, the creators of #IMOMSOHARD, know that you probably didn’t get to shower today and that the last thing you need is more advice on how to be a better parent. Instead, they invite you to join their laugh-out-loud, best friend banter on the eighty bajillion ways moms give their all every day—including: I KEEP IT TOGETHER SO HARD I BODY AFTER BABY SO HARD I HIT THE TOWN (AND AM IN BED BY 9:30 P.M.) SO HARD I BUST MY ASS SO HARD I KEEP FOOLS ALIVE SO HARD Come for the laughs, stay for the kinship with two friends who are just getting it right, getting it wrong, and leaning on each other for a laugh at the end of the day. They don’t care if your house is a mess and they won’t judge you if you pee a little when you sneeze. So kick back, relax, and enjoy. You deserve it.

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There's Treasure Everywhere - Bill Watterson Cover Art

There's Treasure Everywhere

There's Treasure Everywhere by Bill Watterson

In the world that Calvin and his tiger Hobbes share, treasures can be found in the most unlikely places, from the outer regions where Spaceman Spiff travels to the rocks in the backyard--this curious duo roams their world in search of fortunes (and misfortunes!) to be experienced. Whether Calvin and Hobbes are blasting off on another interplanetary adventure or approaching warp speed on a downhill wagon ride, their capers consistently charm and refresh their readers' days. On his own, Calvin is prey to the insidious killer bicycle, is the arbiter of the Dad poll, is the creator of a legion of snowmen who provide an incisive social commentary, and Hobbes is always there as the perfect companion. Watterson's talent is evidenced by the range of thought-provoking emotions the strip encompasses in addition to the laughs it induces: the loyalty and friendship between Calvin and Hobbes , the challenge of being a patient parent, and the sardonic viewpoint of a cynical six-year-old ("I'm a 21st-century kid trapped in a 19th-century family," laments Calvin) combine to make this one of the best-loved strips in cartoon history.

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Assholes Finish First - Tucker Max Cover Art

Assholes Finish First

Assholes Finish First by Tucker Max

The best gift for the dudes and bros in your life: the fratire New York Times bestseller Assholes Finish First , featuring twenty-five new and exclusive stories by Tucker Max. What do you do after you write a #1 bestselling book about your drunken, sexual misadventures that makes you rich and famous? Celebrate by getting more drunk and having insane amounts of sex, obviously. And pretty soon you’ve got another bestselling book on your hands. Stuffed full of ridiculous stories of bad decisions, debauchery, and sexual recklessness, Assholes Finish First starts where I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell left off, then proceeds to “some next-level s**t.” You already know how women react to confidence, game, and vodka, but what happens when you add money and fame to the mix? You get answers to the hard questions you've never thought of asking: • What’s it like to have sex with a midget? What about two midgets? • What does it do to a man to watch a nineteen-year-old do wind sprints to sober up, so that she can have sex with you before her twin sister does? • At what number of virgins does deflowering them stop being fun and start feeling like a job? • When a girl you met three hours ago decides to tattoo your name on her body, what is the appropriate reaction? The answers are inside, they are absurd and hilarious, and they are the product of one man's experiences: His name is Tucker Max, and he is still an a*****e.

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The Smart Words and Wicked Wit of Winston Churchill - Max Morris Cover Art

The Smart Words and Wicked Wit of Winston Churchill

The Smart Words and Wicked Wit of Winston Churchill by Max Morris

For myself I am an optimist,” said legendary British politician Winston Churchill. It does not seem to be much use being anything else.” Have you ever wanted to deliver the ultimate Churchillian wisecrack? Give sound advice to a peer on how to deal with life’s problems? Or contribute to a heated discussion on international politics? The Smart Words and Wicked Wit of Winston Churchill is the perfect pocket book to carry around in your arsenal as you laugh at Churchill’s devious brand of smarts and learn from his political and humanist outlook on life during the turmoil of the Second World War. Discover what he had to say about domestic politics, war and peace, power, struggles and strife, education, philosophy, and some of the biggest names of his time, including himself. Beautifully designed and curated, this entertaining collection compiles the wisest and wittiest Churchill quotations that speak of the politician’s enduring legacy in contemporary pop culture. Full of savvy and wisdoms, The Smart Words and Wicked Wit of Winston Churchill is sure to delight devoted fans of history and casual readers alike.

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Suck Less - Willam Belli Cover Art

Suck Less

Suck Less Where There's a Willam, There's a Way by Willam Belli

The only lie told more often than "No, that looks totally cute on you" and "I got AIDS through oral" is "It gets better." Well, a lotta times it don't. Sometimes it just sucks less. But I promise you: where there's a Willam, there's a way. But this isn't all about me (for once). It's about you and how you can SUCK LESS at a variety of things drag queens are so much better at than the average person. I've got clap backs and life hacks and tips on classing up a simple grab-and-run lifting spree to the much more dignified act of larceny. Super-important life stuff with my own special, secret f*g- swag sauce. So welcome to Willam's School of Bitchcraft and Wiggotry. Class is in session. With a foreword from Neil Patrick Harris.

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The Musician's Ultimate Joke Book - Kevin Mitchell Cover Art

The Musician's Ultimate Joke Book

The Musician's Ultimate Joke Book Over 500 One-Liners, Quips, Jokes and Tall Tales by Kevin Mitchell

This book is the perfect resource for program notes, concert spiels, to kill time while the bass player tunes up, or just for fun] This most complete collection of humor about and for musicians includes one-liners and jokes ranging from Chopin to Lennon, Gillespie to Presley. A must-have for every band director, music teacher, classical musician, jazz performer, cover band leader, accordion player, and person who knows an accordion player but doesn't like to admit it.

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The Gold Standard - Ari Gold Cover Art

The Gold Standard

The Gold Standard Rules to Rule By by Ari Gold

Ari Gold, after years of dominating the Hollywood agency scene, finally offers invaluable tips and advice on how to be as successful in work and in life as Gold himself. Ari Gold is known for his ruthless approach to deal-making and client relationships that made him one of, if not the , most powerful and sought-after agents in Hollywood until he retired in 2011. In his new book THE GOLD STANDARD, Gold will illuminate, for the first time, his unique, effective and, some would say, outrageous philosophies on running a successful business, client management, employee motivation, keeping a happy home life, and other keys to his many successes. Brash, emphatic, instructive and always wise, Gold's book will rival business and leadership bestsellers the world over. In his own words and with his trademark enthusiasm, Gold's tome will be the only book anyone wanting to make something of him or herself will ever need. Ari Gold says: "In my humble opinion, if you want to run a successful business this is the only book you'll ever have to read. And my humble opinion is never wrong."

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Who Cut The Cheese? - Stilton Jarlsberg Cover Art

Who Cut The Cheese?

Who Cut The Cheese? An A-Mazing Parody About Change and How We Can Get Our Hands On Yours by Stilton Jarlsberg

"Who Cut the Cheese?" is the original hilarious parody of the motivational bestseller "Who Moved My Cheese?(tm)" It's the funniest take on "the rat race" ever...and is especially relevant in today's difficult economy.

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Peace, Love & Wi-Fi - Jerry Scott Cover Art

Peace, Love & Wi-Fi

Peace, Love & Wi-Fi A Zits Treasury by Jerry Scott

The world of sixteen-year-old Jeremy Duncan revolves around his insatiable "growing boy" appetite, lip-locking with squeeze Sarah, keeping his jerry-rigged vehicle roadworthy, and playing with his band, Goat Cheese Pizza. Somewhere in the background, he's vaguely aware of some muted voices, constantly beseeching him to pick up his Matterhorn-sized clothes pile, to be home on time (so lame!), and to (God forbid!) communicate with them. The disembodied voices are those of Connie and Walt, his mostly patient, but sometimes frustrated to exploding, parents. In Zits, they portray a hilarious view of coping with a teenager and with being a teenager. Created in 1997 by Pulitzer Prize-winning editorial cartoonist Jim Borgman and Reuben Award-winning cartoonist/writer Jerry Scott, Zits appears in more than 1,600 newspapers worldwide in 45 countries and is translated into 15 different languages. The comic has an estimated daily readership of more than 200 million readers.

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CNCO - Bern Bolo Cover Art

CNCO

CNCO by Bern Bolo

Guys have heard about the Latin Reggaeton music genre? Well, if your Spanish or just a fan, I’m pretty sure you may have heard this one. But if you have not, then you came to the right place – I mean trivia… (or just place to make it more commonly clear…) so if you want to know more about Spanish Reggaeton and the Latin music scene and even how English producer Simon Cowell have come to create a Latin-American show, then click that little button now and grab one! Not only you will learn about a few world cultures, but most especially about the pop group CNCO! So get one and grab some for your friends too!

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The Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook - David Borgenicht & Joshua Piven Cover Art

The Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook

The Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook Expert Advice for Extreme Situations by David Borgenicht & Joshua Piven

Danger! It lurks at every corner. Volcanoes. Sharks. Cyberbullies. Sinkholes. From wresting an alligator to evading drones to landing a plane if the pilot passes out, The Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook is here to help with expert, illustrated, step-by-step instructions for life's sudden turns for the worst. Needed now more than ever, this revised and expanded edition—published on the international bestseller's 20th anniversary—delivers frightening and funny real advice readers need to know fast. With crucial information added from across the Worst-Case series and 20 all-new scenarios for twenty-first century threats (extreme weather, "fake news," dropping a cell phone in the toilet), this action-packed hardcover handbook brings emergency instruction for anxious times.

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Dr. Seuss Goes to War - Richard H. Minear & Theodor Seuss Geisel Cover Art

Dr. Seuss Goes to War

Dr. Seuss Goes to War The World War II Editorial Cartoons of Theodor Seuss Geisel by Richard H. Minear & Theodor Seuss Geisel

“A fascinating collection” of wartime cartoons from the beloved children’s author and illustrator ( The New York Times Book Review ).   For decades, readers throughout the world have enjoyed the marvelous stories and illustrations of Theodor Seuss Geisel, better known as Dr. Seuss. But few know the work Geisel did as a political cartoonist during World War II, for the New York daily newspaper PM . In these extraordinarily trenchant cartoons, Geisel presents “a provocative history of wartime politics” ( Entertainment Weekly ). Dr. Seuss Goes to War features handsome, large-format reproductions of more than two hundred of Geisel’s cartoons, alongside “insightful” commentary by the historian Richard H. Minear that places them in the context of the national climate they reflect ( Booklist ).   Pulitzer Prize–winner Art Spiegelman’s introduction places Seuss firmly in the pantheon of the leading political cartoonists of our time.   “A shocker—this cat is not in the hat!” —Studs Terkel  

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Dress Your Family in Corduroy and Denim - David Sedaris Cover Art

Dress Your Family in Corduroy and Denim

Dress Your Family in Corduroy and Denim by David Sedaris

David Sedaris plays in the snow with his sisters. He goes on vacation with his family. He gets a job selling drinks. He attends his brother's wedding. He mops his sister's floor. He gives directions to a lost traveler. He eats a hamburger. He has his blood sugar tested. It all sounds so normal, doesn't it? In his newest collection of essays, David Sedaris lifts the corner of ordinary life, revealing the absurdity teeming below its surface. His world is alive with obscure desires and hidden motives -- a world where forgiveness is automatic and an argument can be the highest form of love. Dress Your Family in Corduroy and Denim is another unforgettable collection from one of the wittiest and most original writers at work today.

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Food: A Love Story - Jim Gaffigan Cover Art

Food: A Love Story

Food: A Love Story A Love Story by Jim Gaffigan

“What are my qualifications to write this book? None really. So why should you read it? Here’s why: I’m a little fat. If a thin guy were to write about a love of food and eating I’d highly recommend that you do not read his book.”    Bacon. McDonalds. Cinnabon. Hot Pockets. Kale. Stand-up comedian and author Jim Gaffigan has made his career rhapsodizing over the most treasured dishes of the American diet (“choking on bacon is like getting murdered by your lover”) and decrying the worst offenders (“kale is the early morning of foods”). Fans flocked to his  New York Times  bestselling book  Dad is Fat  to hear him riff on fatherhood but now, in his second book, he will give them what they really crave—hundreds of pages of his thoughts on all things culinary(ish). Insights such as: why he believes coconut water was invented to get people to stop drinking coconut water, why pretzel bread is #3 on his most important inventions of humankind (behind the wheel and the computer), and the answer to the age-old question “which animal is more delicious: the pig, the cow, or the bacon cheeseburger?”

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Me Talk Pretty One Day - David Sedaris Cover Art

Me Talk Pretty One Day

Me Talk Pretty One Day by David Sedaris

A new collection from David Sedaris is cause for jubilation. His recent move to Paris has inspired hilarious pieces, including Me Talk Pretty One Day, about his attempts to learn French. His family is another inspiration. You Cant Kill the Rooster is a portrait of his brother who talks incessant hip-hop slang to his bewildered father. And no one hones a finer fury in response to such modern annoyances as restaurant meals presented in ludicrous towers and cashiers with 6-inch fingernails. Compared by The New Yorker to Twain and Hawthorne, Sedaris has become one of our best-loved authors. Sedaris is an amazing reader whose appearances draw hundreds, and his performancesincluding a jaw-dropping impression of Billie Holiday singing I wish I were an Oscar Meyer weinerare unforgettable. Sedariss essays on living in Paris are some of the funniest hes ever written. At last, someone even meaner than the French! The sort of blithely sophisticated, loopy humour that might have resulted if Dorothy Parker and James Thurber had had a love child. Entertainment Weekly on Barrel Fever Sidesplitting Not one of the essays in this new collection failed to crack me up; frequently I was helpless. The New York Times Book Review on Naked

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The Odd 1s Out - James Rallison Cover Art

The Odd 1s Out

The Odd 1s Out How to Be Cool and Other Things I Definitely Learned from Growing Up by James Rallison

Instant  New York Times  bestseller ·  Hilarious stories and advice about the ups and downs of growing up, from a popular YouTube artist and storyteller. Like any shy teen turned young adult, YouTube star James Rallison ("The Odd 1s Out") is used to being on the outside looking in. He wasn't partying in high school or winning football games like his older brother. Instead, he posted comics on the Internet. Now, he's ready to share his hard-earned advice from his 21 years of life in the funny, relatable voice his fans love. In this illustrated collection, Rallison tells his own stories of growing up as the "odd one out": in art class with his twin sister (she was more talented), in the middle school locker room, and up to one strange year of college (he dropped out). Each story is filled with the little lessons he picked up along the way, serious and otherwise, like:    *   How to be cool (in seventh grade)    *   Why it's OK to be second-best at something, and    *   How to survive your first, confidence-killing job interviews Filled with fan-favorite comics and never-before-seen material, this tongue-in-cheek take on some of the weirdest, funniest parts of life is perfect for both avid followers and new converts.

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Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me? (And Other Concerns)(Enhanced Edition) - Mindy Kaling Cover Art

Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me? (And Other Concerns)(Enhanced Edition)

Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me? (And Other Concerns)(Enhanced Edition) by Mindy Kaling

Mindy Kaling has lived many lives: the obedient child of immigrant professionals, a timid chubster afraid of her own bike, a Ben Affleck–impersonating Off-Broadway performer and playwright, and, finally, a comedy writer and actress prone to starting fights with her friends and coworkers with the sentence “Can I just say one last thing about this, and then I swear I’ll shut up about it?”   Perhaps you want to know what Mindy thinks makes a great best friend (someone who will fill your prescription in the middle of the night), or what makes a great guy (one who is aware of all elderly people in any room at any time and acts accordingly), or what is the perfect amount of fame (so famous you can never get convicted of murder in a court of law), or how to maintain a trim figure (you will not find that information in these pages). If so, you’ve come to the right book, mostly!   In Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me?, Mindy invites readers on a tour of her life and her unscientific observations on romance, friendship, and Hollywood, with several conveniently placed stopping points for you to run errands and make phone calls. Mindy Kaling really is just a Girl Next Door—not so much literally anywhere in the continental United States, but definitely if you live in India or Sri Lanka. This enhanced eBook includes an audio introduction from the author; audio commentary from Mindy’s friends, including The Office costar B. J. Novak and Parks and Recreation creator Michael Schur; bonus photos, including an exclusive “Avalanche of Awkwardness” slideshow of never-before-seen childhood photos with audio commentary; and three full chapters read by the author.

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Bossypants - Tina Fey Cover Art

Bossypants

Bossypants by Tina Fey

Spirited and whip-smart, these laugh-out-loud autobiographical essays are "a masterpiece" from the Emmy Award-winning actress and comedy writer known for 30 Rock , Mean Girls , and SNL ( Sunday Telegraph ). Before Liz Lemon, before "Weekend Update," before "Sarah Palin," Tina Fey was just a young girl with a dream: a recurring stress dream that she was being chased through a local airport by her middle-school gym teacher. She also had a dream that one day she would be a comedian on TV. She has seen both these dreams come true. At last, Tina Fey's story can be told. From her youthful days as a vicious nerd to her tour of duty on Saturday Night Live ; from her passionately halfhearted pursuit of physical beauty to her life as a mother eating things off the floor; from her one-sided college romance to her nearly fatal honeymoon -- from the beginning of this paragraph to this final sentence. Tina Fey reveals all, and proves what we've always suspected: you're no one until someone calls you bossy. ( Includes Special, Never-Before-Solicited Opinions on Breastfeeding, Princesses, Photoshop, the Electoral Process, and Italian Rum Cake! )

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Holidays on Ice - David Sedaris Cover Art

Holidays on Ice

Holidays on Ice by David Sedaris

David Sedaris's beloved holiday collection is new again with six more pieces, including a never before published story. Along with such favorites as the diaries of a Macy's elf and the annals of two very competitive families, are Sedaris's tales of tardy trick-or-treaters ("Us and Them"); the difficulties of explaining the Easter Bunny to the French ("Jesus Shaves"); what to do when you've been locked out in a snowstorm ("Let It Snow"); the puzzling Christmas traditions of other nations ("Six to Eight Black Men"); what Halloween at the medical examiner's looks like ("The Monster Mash"); and a barnyard secret Santa scheme gone awry ("Cow and Turkey"). No matter what your favorite holiday, you won't want to miss celebrating it with the author who has been called "one of the funniest writers alive" ( ).

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Fifty Things That Aren't My Fault - Cathy Guisewite Cover Art

Fifty Things That Aren't My Fault

Fifty Things That Aren't My Fault Essays from the Grown-up Years by Cathy Guisewite

From the creator of the iconic "Cathy" comic strip comes her first collection of funny, wise, poignant, and incredibly honest essays about being a woman in what she lovingly calls "the panini generation." As the creator of "Cathy," Cathy Guisewite found her way into the hearts of readers more than forty years ago, and has been there ever since. Her hilarious and deeply relatable look at the challenges of womanhood in a changing world became a cultural touchstone for women everywhere. Now Guisewite returns with her signature wit and warmth in this debut essay collection about another time of big transition, when everything starts changing and disappearing without permission: aging parents, aging children, aging self stuck in the middle. With her uniquely wry and funny admissions and insights, Guisewite unearths the humor and horror of everything from the mundane (trying to introduce her parents to TiVo and facing four decades' worth of unorganized photos) to the profound (finding a purpose post-retirement, helping parents downsize their lives, and declaring freedrom from all those things that hold us back). No longer confined to the limits of four comic panels, Guisewite holds out her hand in prose form and becomes a reassuring companion for those on the threshold of "what happens next." Heartfelt and humane and always cathartic, Fifty Things That Aren't My Fault is ideal reading for mothers, daughters, and anyone who is caught somewhere in between.

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You Are Not So Smart - David McRaney Cover Art

You Are Not So Smart

You Are Not So Smart Why You Have Too Many Friends on Facebook, Why Your Memory Is Mostly Fiction, an d 46 Other Ways You're Deluding Yourself by David McRaney

An entertaining illumination of the stupid beliefs that make us feel wise. You believe you are a rational, logical being who sees the world as it really is, but journalist David McRaney is here to tell you that you're as deluded as the rest of us. But that's OK- delusions keep us sane. You Are Not So Smart is a celebration of self-delusion. It's like a psychology class, with all the boring parts taken out, and with no homework. Based on the popular blog of the same name, You Are Not So Smart collects more than 46 of the lies we tell ourselves everyday, including: Dunbar's Number - Humans evolved to live in bands of roughly 150 individuals, the brain cannot handle more than that number. If you have more than 150 Facebook friends, they are surely not all real friends. Hindsight bias - When we learn something new, we reassure ourselves that we knew it all along. Confirmation bias - Our brains resist new ideas, instead paying attention only to findings that reinforce our preconceived notions. Brand loyalty - We reach for the same brand not because we trust its quality but because we want to reassure ourselves that we made a smart choice the last time we bought it. Packed with interesting sidebars and quick guides on cognition and common fallacies, You Are Not So Smart is a fascinating synthesis of cutting-edge psychology research to turn our minds inside out.

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Eat Cake. Be Brave. - Melissa Radke Cover Art

Eat Cake. Be Brave.

Eat Cake. Be Brave. by Melissa Radke

From the star of USA reality show The Radkes and creator of the viral "Red Ribbon Week" video, this is a hilarious and inspiring story of finding self-confidence in a world of naysayers. My name is Melissa Radke, and there is a very real chance you have no idea who I am or why I wrote a book. But admit it, you're curious! Even though millions of people seem to like watching my videos bemoaning the trials of parenting, marriage, French braiding, faith, and living life as an anti-aging female, you may still be wondering who let me write a book. I mean, books are written by people who have been interviewed by Gayle King and say things like, "You see, Gayle, I was having a root canal and I literally died in the chair. I saw heaven. Also, when I came back to earth I could speak Mandarin." Yeah, that didn't happen to me. No Mandarin. Though I have been known to break out in song! (My voice was once described as a "ray of light in a dark world" . . . but I think my dad was being a little dramatic.) Although if Gayle King were to ever ask me I would tell her: "I wrote this book between taking my kids to the local pool and picking out flip-flops at Old Navy, and the only metaphysical moment I experienced came right after I looked directly into one of those mirrors with 10x magnification." I wrote this book because when I turned 41 I made a decision to be brave. To live brave -bolder and freer. You see, I thought our lives were supposed to change when we turned 40...but mine didn't. Yet every piece of it changed when I turned 41; when I set out to prove that it wasn't too late for me, that careless words wouldn't stunt me and rejection would not stop me. And maybe, just maybe, it will take you reading about the journey I took to finding my sense of self-worth in order for you to rightfully believe in yours. This book is about how all the years of my life led up to the one that changed it. So, cut a big slice and raise a fork... Here's to bravery. Here's to courage. Here's to cake. (And not the crappy kind, like carrot.)

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Sick in the Head - Judd Apatow Cover Art

Sick in the Head

Sick in the Head Conversations About Life and Comedy by Judd Apatow

NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLER •  NAMED ONE OF THE BEST BOOKS OF THE YEAR BY THE A.V. CLUB •  Includes new interviews! From the writer and director of Knocked Up and the producer of Freaks and Geeks comes a collection of intimate, hilarious conversations with the biggest names in comedy from the past thirty years—including Mel Brooks, Jerry Seinfeld, Jon Stewart, Sarah Silverman, Harold Ramis, Seth Rogen, Chris Rock, and Lena Dunham. Before becoming one of the most successful filmmakers in Hollywood, Judd Apatow was the original comedy nerd. At fifteen, he took a job washing dishes in a local comedy club—just so he could watch endless stand-up for free. At sixteen, he was hosting a show for his local high school radio station in Syosset, Long Island—a show that consisted of Q&As with his comedy heroes, from Garry Shandling to Jerry Seinfeld. They talked about their careers, the science of a good joke, and their dreams of future glory (turns out, Shandling was interested in having his own TV show one day and Steve Allen had already invented everything). Thirty years later, Apatow is still that same comedy nerd—and he’s still interviewing funny people about why they do what they do. Sick in the Head gathers Apatow’s most memorable and revealing conversations into one hilarious, wide-ranging, and incredibly candid collection that spans not only his career but his entire adult life. Here are the comedy legends who inspired and shaped him, from Mel Brooks to Steve Martin. Here are the contemporaries he grew up with in Hollywood, from Spike Jonze to Sarah Silverman. And here, finally, are the brightest stars in comedy today, many of whom Apatow has been fortunate to work with, from Seth Rogen to Amy Schumer. And along the way, something kind of magical happens: What started as a lifetime’s worth of conversations about comedy becomes something else entirely. It becomes an exploration of creativity, ambition, neediness, generosity, spirituality, and the joy that comes from making people laugh. Loaded with the kind of back-of-the-club stories that comics tell one another when no one else is watching, this fascinating, personal (and borderline-obsessive) book is Judd Apatow’s gift to comedy nerds everywhere. Praise for Sick in the Head “I can’t stop reading it. . . . I don’t want this book to end.” —Jimmy Fallon “An essential for any comedy geek.” — Entertainment Weekly “Fascinating . . . a collection of interviews with many of the great figures of comedy in the latter half of the twentieth century.” —The Washington Post “Open this book anywhere, and you’re bound to find some interesting nugget from someone who has had you in stitches many, many times.” —Janet Maslin, The New York Times “An amazing read, full of insights and connections both creative and interpersonal.” — The New Yorker “Fascinating and revelatory.” —Chicago Tribune “Anyone even remotely interested in comedy or humanity should own this book.” —Will Ferrell

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I Had a Nice Time And Other Lies... - Betches Cover Art

I Had a Nice Time And Other Lies...

I Had a Nice Time And Other Lies... How to find love & sh*t like that by Betches

The New York Times bestselling authors of Nice Is Just a Place in France and When’s Happy Hour? and creators of the online humor and advice phenomenon Betches.com and Instagram account @Betches explain the brutal truths of how to date like a true betch, with insights from the Head Pro. In the age of Tinder, Hinge, or any other dating app that matches you with randos, the dating game has grown complex and confusing. Cue the Betches—first, we helped you win at basically everything, and now we’re going to help you win the most important battle a betch can face: dating. Maybe you’re a Delusional Dater who needs to get in touch with reality (seriously, he’s just NOT that f***ing into you) or perhaps you’re a TGF who needs to stop being so desperate and start playing the game. Or maybe you’re just tired of swiping left and ready for the pro of your dreams to put a 15-karat diamond ring on it so you can stop pretending to do work. Either way, we’ve got you covered. So put away the Ben & Jerry’s fro-yo (just because it’s low fat doesn’t mean it’s okay to eat the whole tub) and start dating like a winner.

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Toddlers Are A**holes - Bunmi Laditan Cover Art

Toddlers Are A**holes

Toddlers Are A**holes It's Not Your Fault by Bunmi Laditan

Toddler a**holery is a normal part of human development—not unlike puberty, except this stage involves throwing food on the floor and taking swings at people who pay your way in life. For parents of toddlers, it's a "you better laugh so you don't cry" period. Bunmi Laditan's hilarious, satirical guide to toddlerhood offers parents instant (and very welcome) comic relief—along with the very good news that "It's Not Your Fault." Chapters cover the cost of raising a toddler, feeding your toddler, potty-training, tantrums, how to manage the holidays, and "how not to die inside." Parents will see themselves in the very funny sections on taking your toddler to restaurants ("One parent will spend their time walking your toddler around the restaurant and outside like a cocker spaniel, while the other, luckier parent will eat alone."), Things You Thought You'd Never Say That You Now Say As a Parent of a Toddler ("I can tell you're pooping because your eyes are watering."), and how to order pizza ("Spend $40 on pizza delivery. Listen to your toddler cry for 30 minutes about how the pizza is all wrong. Watch your toddler take a small bite of crust. Google 'can anger give you a heart attack?' Start the bedtime routine."). Laditan's wildly funny voice has attracted hundreds of thousands of fans of Honest Toddler on social media; here she speaks parent-to-tired-parent, easing the pains and challenges of raising toddlers with a hefty dose of adult humor and wit.  

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I Was Told There'd Be Cake - Sloane Crosley Cover Art

I Was Told There'd Be Cake

I Was Told There'd Be Cake by Sloane Crosley

Hailed by David Sedaris as "perfectly, relentlessly funny" and by Colson Whitehead as "sardonic without being cruel, tender without being sentimental," from the author of the new collection Look Alive Out There .  Wry, hilarious, and profoundly genuine, this debut collection of literary essays is a celebration of fallibility and haplessness in all their glory. From despoiling an exhibit at the Natural History Museum to provoking the ire of her first boss to siccing the cops on her mysterious neighbor, Crosley can do no right despite the best of intentions -- or perhaps because of them. Together, these essays create a startlingly funny and revealing portrait of a complex and utterly recognizable character who aims for the stars but hits the ceiling, and the inimitable city that has helped shape who she is. I Was Told There'd Be Cake introduces a strikingly original voice, chronicling the struggles and unexpected beauty of modern urban life.

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It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia - The Gang Cover Art

It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia

It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia The 7 Secrets of Awakening the Highly Effective Four-Hour Giant, Today by The Gang

"The Gang" from It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia attempts their most ill-conceived, get-rich quick scheme yet: publishing a “self-help book” to hilarious, sometimes dangerous, and often revolting, results. The Gang may have finally found their golden ticket. Left alone to close down Paddy’s Pub one night, Charlie Kelly inadvertently scored himself, and his friends, the opportunity of a lifetime—a book deal with a real publishing company, real advance money, and a real(ly confused) editor. While his actual ability to read and write remains unclear, Charlie sealed the deal with some off-the-cuff commentary on bird law and the nuances of killing rats (and maybe with the help of some glue fumes in the basement with an unstable editor on a bender). While The Gang is stunned by the news, and the legally binding, irrevocable contract left on the bar, they are also ready to rise to the task and become millionaires—and of course, help Charlie actually write the book. In their own inimitable voices, Charlie, Mac, Dennis, Sweet Dee, and Frank weigh in on important topics like Relationships, Financial Success and Career, Fashion and Personal Grooming, Health and Diet, and Survival Skills, providing insane advice, tips, tricks, and recipes (Rum Ham anyone?) as only they can. Fans of It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia rejoice and welcome the most influential work in the history of the written word (or at least since the script for The Nightman Cometh): The 7 Secrets of Awakening the Highly Effective Four-Hour Giant, Today.

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God Is Disappointed In You - Mark Russell & Shannon Wheeler Cover Art

God Is Disappointed In You

God Is Disappointed In You by Mark Russell & Shannon Wheeler

God Is Disappointed in You is for people who would like to read the Bible...if it would just cut to the chase. Stripped of its arcane language and interminable passages, every book of the Bible is condensed down to its core message, in no more than a few pages each. Written by Mark Russell with cartoons by New Yorker cartoonist Shannon Wheeler, God Is Disappointed in You is a frequently hilarious, often shocking, but always accurate retelling of the Bible, including the parts selectively left out by Sunday School teachers and church sermons. Irreverent yet faithful, this book is a must-read for anyone who wants to see past the fog of religious agendas and cultural debates to discover what the Bible really says.

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Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me? (And Other Concerns) - Mindy Kaling Cover Art

Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me? (And Other Concerns)

Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me? (And Other Concerns) by Mindy Kaling

Mindy Kaling has lived many lives: the obedient child of immigrant professionals, a timid chubster afraid of her own bike, a Ben Affleck–impersonating Off-Broadway performer and playwright, and, finally, a comedy writer and actress prone to starting fights with her friends and coworkers with the sentence “Can I just say one last thing about this, and then I swear I’ll shut up about it?”   Perhaps you want to know what Mindy thinks makes a great best friend (someone who will fill your prescription in the middle of the night), or what makes a great guy (one who is aware of all elderly people in any room at any time and acts accordingly), or what is the perfect amount of fame (so famous you can never get convicted of murder in a court of law), or how to maintain a trim figure (you will not find that information in these pages). If so, you’ve come to the right book, mostly!   In Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me?, Mindy invites readers on a tour of her life and her unscientific observations on romance, friendship, and Hollywood, with several conveniently placed stopping points for you to run errands and make phone calls. Mindy Kaling really is just a Girl Next Door—not so much literally anywhere in the continental United States, but definitely if you live in India or Sri Lanka.

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Nobody's Cuter than You - Melanie Shankle Cover Art

Nobody's Cuter than You

Nobody's Cuter than You A Memoir about the Beauty of Friendship by Melanie Shankle

There is nothing as precious in life as a friend who knows you and loves you in spite of yourself. Yet over the last couple of decades, we’ve substituted the joy of real friendship with cheap imitations. We settle for “community” on Facebook and Twitter and a series of text messages that allow us to communicate with someone without the commitment. We like each other’s beautifully filtered photos on Instagram and delude ourselves into believing we have a community. But real friendship requires effort. It’s showing up, laughing loud, and crying hard. It’s forgiving and loving and giving the benefit of the doubt. It’s making a casserole, doing a carpool pickup, and making sure she knows those cute shoes are 50 percent off. Written in the same comedic style as the New York Times bestsellers Sparkly Green Earrings and The Antelope in the Living Room , Nobody’s Cuter than You is a laugh-out-loud look at the special bond that exists between friends and a poignant celebration of all the extraordinary people God had the good sense to bring into our lives at exactly the right moments. From the friendships we develop over a lifetime to the ones that wounded us and the ones that taught us to love better, Melanie Shankle reveals the influence our friends have on who we were, who we are, and who we will become. And on a day when our jeans feel too tight, our chins have decided to embrace hormone-related acne reminiscent of our teen years, and our kids have tested the limits of our sanity, they are the ones who will look at us and say, “Nobody’s cuter than you!”

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687 One-Liner Jokes - Wolfgang Riebe Cover Art

687 One-Liner Jokes

687 One-Liner Jokes by Wolfgang Riebe

If it’s laughter you want, then this is the book for you. Short one-line jokes covering a broad variety of topics and ideal for many different occasions. If you are simply searching for a few funny jokes to share with friends, or if you are a professional speaker or entertainer, you are bound to find some new material within this treasure trove of modern one-liners. SHORT ONE-LINE JOKES FOR EVERY OCCASION 40 is the new 30? Try telling that to a speed camera! Do not touch, must be the scariest thing to read in Braille! Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time. I have a fear of German sausages! Yes I fear the wurst! I invented a new word! Plagiarism! My recliner and I - we go way back. Quantum mechanics: The dreams stuff is made of! The zoo is a pretty safe place to fart. You know what really floats my boat? Buoyancy!

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Why Not Me? - Mindy Kaling Cover Art

Why Not Me?

Why Not Me? by Mindy Kaling

From the author of the beloved New York Times bestselling book Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me? and the creator and star of The Mindy Project comes a collection of essays that are as hilarious and insightful as they are deeply personal.   In Why Not Me?, Kaling shares her ongoing journey to find contentment and excitement in her adult life, whether it’s falling in love at work, seeking new friendships in lonely places, attempting to be the first person in history to lose weight without any behavior modification whatsoever, or most important, believing that you have a place in Hollywood when you’re constantly reminded that no one looks like you.   In “How to Look Spectacular: A Starlet’s Confessions,” Kaling gives her tongue-in-cheek secrets for surefire on-camera beauty, (“Your natural hair color may be appropriate for your skin tone, but this isn’t the land of appropriate– this is Hollywood, baby . Out here, a dark-skinned woman’s traditional hair color is honey blonde.”) “Player” tells the story of Kaling being seduced and dumped by a female friend in L.A. (“I had been replaced by a younger model. And now they had matching bangs.”) In “Unlikely Leading Lady,” she muses on America’s fixation with the weight of actresses, (“Most women we see onscreen are either so thin that they’re walking clavicles or so huge that their only scenes involve them breaking furniture.”) And in “Soup Snakes,” Kaling spills some secrets on her relationship with her ex-boyfriend and close friend, B.J. Novak (“I will freely admit: my relationship with B.J. Novak is weird as hell.”)   Mindy turns the anxieties, the glamour, and the celebrations of her second coming-of-age into a laugh-out-loud funny collection of essays that anyone who’s ever been at a turning point in their life or career can relate to. And those who’ve never been at a turning point can skip to the parts where she talks about meeting Bradley Cooper.

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